Scoot on ~ that emotion thing

faces

 

The weight

of a simple human emotion

weighs me down.

~Troye Sivan

Apart from providing you with some beautiful lyrics,I have another task today. It’s day 4 of my 100 happy days, and I’m feeling happy as can be – not really,but I feel alright – but I have something that I really need to get out.

No, it’s not a fart.

Okay, so I’ve been on this planet for almost 16 years and I’ve been impressed by it every day.I know sometimes people say that they’re so sick of the planet and they’d much rather go some place else, but there really isn’t any other place to go as of now. If you’re that person, sit tight and appreciate where you are or try to move planets and suffer the consequences (i.e. death with a side of death).

The basis of the existence of some people, and recently myself, is a war with one’s self. I think the fact that we are human plays a big role in this. I always marvel at the humans’ ability to keep going. They always manage to stagger on – even with tears streaming down their faces.

This ability, I think, lies within emotion. Today I felt things that I would never have thought I would this time last year. I felt pain, but not physical or the usual emotional pain, but pain that comes from being so numb, it hurts. Well,that sounded dramatic! This human emotion thing is really a lot to deal with though.

The thing about these emotions for me is that I’m crazy about them. I’m crazy about hurt, and love, and pain. Not crazy about feeling them, they just fascinate me. I like the idea of different forms of the same emotions, and the way every single person can feel it regardless of who they are or what they’ve been through.

But that’s the thing about the love. It’s not about a boy or a girl or a cat for me, it’s just the love. I’m an addict, and I need my fix. But everyone is out. There is no love for me. None of the love to spare.

I feel that way sometimes. I don’t feel like nobody loves me (I think ermigaaard) or that I have nobody to love, it just feels like it’s run out everywhere. And all the love stores are on a very extended lunch break or are closed until further notice.

So, yes, I feel a little weighed down.

 

Until happier days, hopefully

-Scoot xx

 

 

Scoot on ~ 100 happy days

Hi friends! So it is currently 3:56 AM and I am drastically unprepared for my history test that is happening in +- 6 hours but I’m also feeling really sick so there’s that too.

image

Anyway, I wanted to ask you all about something: this 100 happy days challenge. The question, and challenge in itself is as simple as it makes itself out to be: can you be happy for 100 days?

I met a beautiful girl named Mia at a band’s gig thing a couple of weeks ago, and she just finished the challenge. I was pretty damn jealous THE ENTIRE TIME. Not because she was happy, but probably because I couldn’t see myself that happy. Check out her instagram here.

MUCH LESS FOR A FULL ONE HUNDRED MOTHER TRUCKING DAYS

So I’m officially taking on this challenge. I won’t lie to you, I have dark days. DARK ASS DAYS. Though most of them pass, some linger and there’s not much to be done about them. These next 100  days? There’s a start.

So, I’ll be tracking my progress on Instagram (see right panel) with MY OWN HASHTAG WHICH MAKES ME VERY EXCITED – probably #happyscoot or #scootishappy or #shalomishappy or #happyshalom – and you can all see either how badly I flop at this, or how okay I am in 100 days time.

Happy days for the win.

PS HERE IN SOUTH AFRICA IT IS HOT WATER BOTTLE SEASON AND I AM LOVING THIS.

-Scoot xxx

10 Confessions About Whatever

image

1) I’ve had 9 cups of tea today.

2) Annemieke sits next to me in math and she’s crazy smart.

3) I once got bullied really badly that I called my mom to fetch me from school but she didn’t pick up.

4) I haven’t done my math homework.

5) I’m quite crap at making friends.

6) I have about 5783589420.5 acquaintances and 1.5 friends.

7) I’m quite the insomniac.

8) I hate that I feel inferior to everyone everyday.

9) I find it really difficult to climb out of bed in the mornings because I really don’t know how to face people so much so that I cry sometimes. (That’s weird and I don’t like crying)

10) I’m quite useless, really.

Bonus: I’m regretting posting this.

OH MY GOSH IT’S WORKING

Okay, I’m typing this post as fast as I can because the internet at my house has been REALLY slow and I’ve tried to post something THREE TIMES THIS WEEK but alas, problems of us first worlders.

HEY! I guess this post seems a lot cheerier than my last few and I bet some of you who give a rats bum are thanking your lucky stars that you don’t have to read my awfully sad rambling, but let me clarify something:

SOMETIMES I GET SAD AND I LIKE TO WRITE ABOUT IT AND I’M GOING TO KEEP DOING THAT

Onwards then, chums!


 

ATTEMPT ONE – WEDNESDAY, MAY 14TH

There’s this little thing that I experience a lot. To call it jealousy would however be both extreme and an understatement. To put it simply, I have a crapload of emotions and I dont know what the hell to call them.

You know when you really love a band, or a new artist or author (ehm John Greeen ehm) and nobody else knows about them? Yeah, that’s often my position,and by often, I mean ALWAYS. The thing that I’m talking about though is when three months later, EVERYBODY knows who this person/group of people is/are (gosh this concord thing is frustrating)  and then individuality is lost and everything that once was your little secret gets sucked into the world of mainstream.

I just really like this picture of Ariel. She's great,

I just really like this picture of Ariel. She’s great,

 

Okay, so maybe I’m really terrified of a lack of individuality, but that’s not what I’m here to blabber about. HIPSTER KIDS.  The fake ones who only become hipster after you tell them of  something (JOHN FRICKING GREEN). I guess I suffer from I-knew-about-it-first-stop-mainstreaming-it syndrome, making me an indirect hipster, I guess?

That’s why I’m here. Now, the definition of  ‘hipster’ has changed many a time, starting for me when googled it and got an answer about jeans. According to Urban Dictionary though, a hipster is:

a) Someone who listens to bands you’ve never heard of, wears ironic tee-shirts, and believes they are better than you.

b) Definitions are too mainstream. Hipsters can’t be defined because then they’d fit in a category, and thus be too mainstream.

c) A hipster is someone who is smart enough to talk about philosophy, music, politics, art, etc. with you all day long, but not smart enough to see how big of a tool s/he is. The only sure fire way to tell if someone you’re talking to is, in fact, a hipster is to ask them “are you a hipster?”. If they respond no, and turn their cassette player back on, you can be sure you’re dealing with a hipster.

Look, I have nothing against hipsters. Some people may classify me as one. As I’m typing this, my friends 12-year-old sister just came into the room and said, “Hey Shalom, if you hate hipsters, do you hate me too? ‘Cause if you do, it’s deck. I just think that your philosophies are wrong.” Now, 2 things on that encounter:

1) I DON’T HATE HIPSTERS

2) I swear that girl just googled ‘hipster things to say’ and recited what she found to me.

On the topic of googling things:

 

The fourth to last one is my favourite.

The fourth to last one is my favourite.

 

So I’m going to leave the hipsters with their hipsterness, and go for a walk because all of this is really becoming too mainstream.Seriously.

 

I’m out.

-Scoot xx