Scoot on ~ this jealousy, man.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why I feel the way I do, and how ridiculous some of the reasons are.Today, a friend of mine finally asked out a girl. They were both really happy, and everyone who was nearby was also really happy, and I was really happy for them both, and I stayed behind with her so she could fawn over teenage girl things with me, and it was lovely. I was really glad to know that she was glad.

Problem? No problem!

Except this conclusion that I’ve come to: I’m jealous of everything.

You have a cat? I’m jealous.

You get a good math grade? I’m jealous.

You find a good study system? Still jealous.

You in love with a boy? Very jealous.

It is said that jealousy is the human condition, and more so that of the teenager.

“If you swim effortlessly in the deep oceans, ride the waves to and from the shore, if you can breathe under water and dine on the deep treasures of the seas; mark my words, those who dwell on the rocks carrying nets will try to reel you into their catch. The last thing they want is for you to thrive in your habitat because they stand in their atmosphere where they beg and gasp for some air.”

Am I trying to sabotage everyone with a cute cat and a brilliant math grade? No. Am I trying to kill/injure/ruin/negatively influence the boy you’re in love with? No. I suppose it’s more of a longing than jealousy, because heaven knows I’M LONGING FOR A GOOD STUDY SYSTEM.

I don’t know, I’m trying to stay felony free and not do anything illegal because of longing. Am I Miss-Steal-Your-Boy? Maybe. (NO I’M NOT)

Remain sane,

-Scoot xx


ALMOST A YEAR. HELP.

Blue Monday? FOR WHO

Hi everybody! Okay, I have some confessions and excuses to make:

  1. I’m very lazy
  2. My internet has been really slow
  3. School has been ridiculous
  4. Transcribing interviews is hard
  5. I’m lazy

Now that I’ve declared my reasons for not posting ANYTHING in almost EVER, we can move forward!

I’m not a person who achieves much on regular standards. This, in turn, leaves me a lot to struggle with and little to be proud of – I mean, who am I, finally taking a shower, in comparison to someone in my grade who already has university acceptance? I don’t do much. I have a friend who thinks I do everything (that’s you, Jess), but I really don’t. Even if I do more than the average teenager does, I’m not on par with everyone or anyone. It’s as if I was born with BELOW AVERAGE stamped on my right wrist.

Today is Monday. I’ve had a good Monday! For those of you who are new subscribers (is that the WordPress word?), I have some bad days. Seriously. I know that some of you are probably SO ANNOYED by my extremely depressing rants and seemingly ridiculous panic attacks, but writing is the only way I know how to deal with them. So…yeah.

About today! I took a magnesium supplement (because I couldn’t get my real drugs *insert drugs face here* ) and had some coffee before I got to school this morning. I was late for school. My hair wasn’t tied up correctly and I felt like I was walking around with a sign with the words: “DETENTION, PLEASE” on it.

I didn’t get detention.

And so begins my list. I’ve had a good day, and I think that too often we take good days for granted. Maybe *teen girl philosophy alert* we are too comfortable and simply expect another day. Maybe it’s because we haven’t all experienced days when it really seems like the only way to make the day better is by stopping it, and ourselves completely. Maybe we just don’t give a damn.

Whatever your reasons are for or for not appreciating the good days, they’re probably valid in some sense or another.I just think that it’s really important that we remember what we have, or how great we are, or how much it takes to get up (high-five to you for getting up!). So, without further ado, here is my list of things I’m proud of/ happy about/ grateful for:

  • My anthology mark – huge English project (read here) that I got 94% FOR! (In South Africa, that’s an A+.) YASSSS
  • My friend who recently survived a suicide attempt
  • Same friend who is currently KICKING HER EATING DISORDER’S BUTT
  • Myself for having great posture all day
  • My Pinterest board called ‘Surviving High School’
  • My sisters
  • A girl I met today named Alexa
  • YouTube
  • Jessica Craven
  • Magnesium supplements
  • Cleaning my room (YAASSSSSSS)

Add some more stuff, and there you have it. I’m glad to be alive today, guys. In the words of my English teacher,

“Keep the hope alive.”

All my love,

-Scoot xx


IT’S ALMOST BEEN A YEAR