THIS YEAR HAS BEEN THE BIGGEST LOAD OF ABSOLUTE PRACTICAL JOKENESS ON MY LIFE. LET’S TALK ABOUT IT.
Ah, 2016. This year was supposed to be filled with promise, new adventures, love and all round awesomeness. It was going to be amazing. We’re in November now, and I’ve never been more sure of the second coming of Christ in my life. There is NO WAY that everything will go back to normal after this – what even is normal? What even has 2016 been?
This year I have:
- been punched (and still made to pay double) by a taxi driver
- been robbed four times
- gotten accepted into a bunch of Canadian universities then was forbidden to go
- had two phones stolen from me
- seen the south african government give zero fucks about the future of the youth and the education crisis in the country
- had my laptop, my baby Gertrude, completely give up on me
- gone through a messy breakup (messy as in I was a mess, I cried for three weeks straight and my mother thought I would dissolve into tears)
- been blackout drunk at a res party and ended up crawling through the halls, earning me the reputation of “that drunk girl who was crawling at the first EOH party” according to one boy
- seen the bankrupt guy from the apprentice be nominated as the republican candidate for the presidency
- beaten a man up on the sidewalk in self defence
- lost R200 in one go
- been flat broke and had my account in overdraft enough times to almost have the bank freeze my accounts
- had my new bank account frozen for three weeks with my allowance in it
- been fired
- managed to be broke 24/7 despite working three jobs
- had three pairs of headphones
- lost the first pair at the first uni party, the second at the first res party and somehow managed to will the third to stop working
- had people completely cut me off without any explanation
- tripped in heels at least six times
- run out of a restaurant during a really awkward date by answering a fake phone call and yelling “gee i’ve got to go like right now oh man bye!”
- broken at least four pairs of shoes
- sliced my fingers open with knives, bottle caps, washing machines, cupboards, and tins of jam
- facilitated nine successful hookups in a day and none of my own (call me wingman extraordinaire)
- had the hot water in my house off for two weeks
- had to change my holiday to lisbon three times because my sister’s exams got shifted
- been threatened with rape by the police
- had my godmother not respond to my emails
- had two colleges just…not process my application (they just didn’t do it)
- very nearly came close to being in a fight with a drug addict at pride, and
- have no bras that fit my new and improved birth control boobs.
It sounds like a joke! How can this much absolute crap happen to one human being in ten months? Who’s puppy’s tail did I stand on in a past life? This year has been a mess. I am currently a mess. I have work in three hours, an exam on the two days following today, and a travel agent to call. I hate phonecalls.
I have a couple of posts coming up including a l0ok back on Joburg Pride (which was a fantastic day where I’m almost 100% certain I found my pal Ash a wife), my October rewind, a lil talk about police brutality and probably more angsty rants. I am going through the MOST.
love and light,