Blinding

I was listening to Blinding by Florence and the Machine song earlier today, and while some of my favourite lyrics in the world are from that song (No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone / No more calling like a crow, for a boy, for a body in the garden), this post isn’t about that.

This post is about glasses, and wearing glasses, and the annoying things that people who don’t wear glasses do.

The thing that most people without glasses don’t seem to understand is that people with glasses wear glasses for a reason. This seems like base knowledge and yet, 7/10 times when I meet someone new, they’ll take my glasses, try them on and exclaim something along the lines of “Woah! You’re so blind!” or “I can’t see anything through these!” or my personal favourite, “You look so much better without them!”

Man, oh man.

First off, of course my eyes are bad, ya dingus! That’s why they should have stayed on my face, and not have gotten near yours. As a person who is embarrassingly close to being legally blind – for real, I can see maybe a foot in front of me at best without m glasses – I know. I know my eyes are bad. Your observation…what did you really think would come of it? A medal? A tattoo voucher? If ever you find such offers available, please inform me. I would love to tell people obvious facts about their eyes for rewards!

Next, I’d like you to think carefully about why you can’t see through them. Through my prescription spectacles. Here’s a clue: my glasses. My glasses. Did you expect a sudden history of bad eyes from your father’s side to descend upon you for the three seconds that you had them on? I don’t understand. Help me to understand. Why do you do this?

Lastly, regarding your ever so helpful opinion about my appearance without my seeing device. You know what else looks better without my glasses? You do. Because I can’t see any of you if you stand at least two paces from me. Please, stand two paces from me.

This has been a 2014 scooton.wordpress.com style rant, because I am feeling sad and bad. I failed the same part of my driver’s test for the second time today, and I feel like a class A idiot. I also have a discount for sushi courtesy of my pal Tash, and I am going to use it and mope. Thank you kindly. Happy Bedim.

love and light,
shalom xo

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