eyes wide open

do you ever feel like you can’t fully take in what’s happening around you? like your eyes are open, but can never open wide enough? i feel like that all the time and i always wonder if i actually am missing out on life, or if i’m tricking myself. either way, tonight i opened my eyes wide enough and i’m still riding that wave so i’d like to tell you about it. thanks for hanging.

we pull out of the quickchek yelling yer killing me and my head swoops with the milkshake in my hand. enough yelling – emily asks me if i’m ready as she rolls the windows down. i’m not ready. never ready. always almost, but never ever. it’s 8:30 pm in north jersey just before christmas, and when the breeze slaps me in the face, i think i’m ready.

she puts on sex, and i almost start crying. i yell and we yell – this album is so well produced! it is. after we’ve got one thing in common, it’s this tongue of mine i start looking out of the window. milkshake on lap and doritos in hand, i realize just how much life is out there on a friday night. christmas lights choke trees and houses and they stand quietly in submission. there’s a big curve on a major intersection and emily is harmonizing with matty healy, and i see it. i see it all because my eyes are so open they may fall out.

down the street, past the house with a million trees, they’ve all got boyfriends anyway brings me back down and i can’t explain what’s happened. the song changes but i am still awed – everything is bright at one time or another if you can see enough. my eyes are open and my hands are cold from sticking them out of the window and floating with the wind that carried them there, but my eyes are open.

my eyes are open wide enough. and this is how it starts.

love and light,
shalom xo

know i think you’re awesome, right?

i have a love hate relationship with gatherings that have more than 9 people at them. i like parties as much as the next guy, but only if it’s a dance party with people i’m comfortable with and a record player at some point. if you’re to throw in some primary school jams like 3oh!3, a good time is to be had. that being said, nine is enough people you know to be comfortable enough to sway in the arms of mr. jack daniels and then, regardless of the irresponsibility, to cosy up to the ever loving captain morgan.

in almost two years of university, i’ve learned that a party is really only a party if you feel like something is going to explode soon: be it a confession of suppressed emotion, a bottle shattering or the ice finally breaking. one of the first frat parties of the year saw all of my little community in my hall go, and i couldn’t help but feel like the comedown from the party would be better. it was.

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the next one had more than nine people but actually had things come crashing down, so it works out. it was an after party for a show and it was excellent. it was this show, you know. we were at eric’s house and a bunch of lights fell down during what i think was bohemian rhapsody, and it was stellar. everything exploded perfectly and my heart was wonderfully full, and i can’t be more grateful for that night and braiding my braids.

our rules, our dreams, we’re blind. the people i know are homemade dynamite.

(now you know it’s really gonna blow.)

love and light,
shalom xo