i started this post without any intentions. i haven’t even properly looked at the lyrics for buttercup, so i know i’m not writing prose for it, but i do think i’ll be writing something about lightening the fuck up.
i’m in quiet, tree filled suburbia for the next week (check maryland off the list of states) and i’m trying to regroup and recoup after the first half of semester that started well and ended quite horrifically. crash and burn horrific, my friends. it was me crashing and burning, and let me tell you that i could do with less scars on my body.
in any case, i’d like to call your attention to the fact that despite the very obvious baby breakdown i am going through, i will 100% be fine on my own. i think because i trust people so easily – and in turn rest in them fully when they say i can, even if they don’t mean it – many people believe that i’m incapable of being fine on my own. that’s funny to me in a totally not funny way. one, why? two…why? if i could and can survive moving across the ocean and living with my brain on a daily basis, why on earth wouldn’t i be fine on my own?
i’ve done much more difficult things than live without a roommate for the last two months of the school year. i’ll be fine, i’m alright, it’s my body. honestly, i don’t deserve the beating i put my brain through because of overthinking. she goes through enough thanks to chemistry, and it’s unfair of me to keep ruminating over things that will never help me in any way. really, it’s about time i lighten the fuck up.
lighten up, buttercup. get a hobby.
love and light,