monthly me | march ’18

in march, i got pretty low and then pretty high. i did some travelling, went out of my way to meet new people, fell in love, and tried to cry less. i cried a lot, but i definitely cried less than i could have. march madness is over, and here’s what’s left. welcome to what was, my friends!

so, march. march houses three birthdays in my family – please note that i’m avoiding a paper by writing this instead – and i missed them all thanks to a lovely little thing called the ocean. it was hard not being around for my mom’s 50th, but it was lovely to have been called in during the party. what else happened in march? jeez, the year is flying. there is a boy who i hope will be around for the longest of times. i do love him so. what else? march was the first month i ended without a roommate, and that was okay. the isolation that comes with being called crazy, not so much. i got pretty low, but lord knows that all it takes sometimes is a little chemistry play and an updose to fix a little dark patch. forever grateful to abilify and the work it does on my brain.

quick talk about how open i am about my brain: there is nothing to hide. i am still somewhat ashamed of how mental illness affects me – which is uh. a lot. it affects me a lot. – but i am trying not to be because…bitch, it’s literally not my fault. there is nothing i can do about it but continue to do all i am doing. i am doing my best and it has to be enough. sharing my mental health journey seems to come naturally to me because i’m a talker, and if i don’t talk about the big things in my life, well. well. anyway, i do. so. i’m gonna. that’s all.

music madness

i tried living without you but you’re my vice

hey, guys, i’ve got something on my mind
tick tock, can you take it for a while?

until love came in on time

snippets of internal monologue

  • wow i’m really just not going to graduate. wow. okay.
  • hey buddy, everything is on fire
  • mmmmmm, baby, isolate me harder
  • how do you say “crystal ball frapp = gross peach milk” without saying that?
  • californiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

my friends, march is over and somehow the year is flying by in a way i didn’t expect it to. i can’t tell you why i didn’t think it would. i’m trying to save the semester at the moment and oh, oh. the toll it is taking is huge.

in any case, i’m still here. another month, another march.

love and light,
shalom xo

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