revolution

the movement of an object in a circular or elliptical course around another or about an axis or center.

my friends, i think i’ve completed a revolution around my old, faithful center: writing.

here’s the thing: i love writing, but i haven’t been able to. this isn’t a new problem, and i’ve rambled about it here before but i really would love to be a writer. i would love for this to be my job. i would love to share my thoughts until they didn’t scream about in my head all day, but writing takes time, and love, and energy. and recently, i’ve only had love. sometimes love is not enough and the road gets tough, i don’t know why.

yes, that’s a lana lyric.

in the spirit of coming full circle, a return to center if you will, i had a big cry today. i called my mom when it was midnight in her time zone and sobbed about how i didn’t feel myself. i cried about how stressful the last month has been and about how i wish more was happening because of the effort i was putting in. i cried about missed opportunities and about taking ones that weren’t right for me. i cried a ton, my friends. in short, i cried enough that i couldn’t cry anymore, and then it was done.

a forcible overthrow of a government or social order in favor of a new system.

not-crying shalom revolted against all the things that made crying-shalom, crying-shalom. i made some hard decisions, i apologized to my boyfriend for being a total ass while upset, i played some ukulele, and i decided to write. here’s why:

if there’s anything i know how to do, it’s write. if this is my art, then i have to protect it. if protecting it means seeing a revolution in myself, then so be it.

i’m writing again, even if it’s just like this. i have to protect my art.

[to my boy; thank you for bringing reason to my vulnerability. i love you.]

love and light,
shalom xo

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