monthly me | may ’18

yo, this year is flying by and i don’t know what to do about it.

 

 

so what did i do this month? it’s gone from really tough to really relaxed to really, really tough. things are hard as hell right now. i’m taking summer classes and i’ve never had to work so fast in my life; i hate it. i still have two years of this degree; i hate it. i really miss my family, especially my siblings; i hate it. i hate a lot of things, but i love my boyfriend. he’s the best thing in my world at the moment. i don’t have much to say today but for my complaining, and i’m trying to do less of that. so. let’s all move along and talk about some happenings this month!

  1. moved into new apartment – you wouldn’t know this because it happened oh so quickly, but i’ve moved out of halls! i now live seven minutes away from uni and while the apartment isn’t the best, my room is cute and the rent is okay so i’m fine. i’m fine with being here for the next year. my housemates are all great girls, and i’m looking forward to absolutely no roommate drama, thank heavens. what else? i keep making too much pasta when i’m cooking for myself, but nevertheless, i’ve got pots and pans which make me feel supes adulty. i also have utilities to pay for now, which freaks me out a lot! but it’s ok! we’re here! it’s ok! 

  2. started summer school – i am crying. it’s six credits in six weeks and i am crying. i have to do two whole research papers and i don’t even know enough about interpersonal communication to start. currently, i’m writing this post while avoiding my prospectus paper on the maintenance of long distance interpersonal relationships because i have no idea where to begin. there are 10 marks awarded for the title. t e n. how do i make a ten-point title?img_20180531_155821_528
  3. two months with my baby – guys, i know i talk about him a latte but he’s the best damn thing, really. holding his hand? the best thing. i described it to dora like this one time  – “we held each other in a way that was like my body had already memorized the ‘don’t let go’ of his touch” – and while that’s literally gut-wrenchingly sappy and disgusting, i don’t care much. he’s the best and we’re cooking together this weekend if i can finish this god forsaken paper, but i love him and that makes me believe that things will be alright.
  4. no…birthday anxiety? – my friends, for the first time in ten years, i am not afraid to age. it’s crazy to think about because my birthday existential crisis has been a part of me for as long as my boobs have, but i know there are some reasons (see point 3) that i’m excited for the future instead of petrified of it. it usually shows up by april, and now it’s basically june, so let’s hope for no nasty surprises before july.

i guess i just want to get this hell month out of the way so i can enjoy the summer. i want to swim, to see the sea, to dance, to love, to kiss – i want to take all of these verbs and make them irreversibly, unequivocally mine. i don’t really know how to do that, but i wish i did. i know i’m going to learn, though. i will learn; i am always learning.

tunes

and i was twenty five and afraid to go outside; a millennial that baby boomers like

the boys are back and so i have to include them. matty looks like a budget hayley williams and it’s excellent. he also looks, like, free. also such a great message man give urself a fkn try

maybe i was moving too fast for you – i’m sorry but i can’t see you

i spend a lot of time on trains (my boyfriend is two train stops over) and i listened to this all day one day, and when i was on the train i realized how this song can be played in any weather. listen to it and see snowy winters, sunny springs, scenic summers and nostalgic autumns. i love it a lot. thanks ed the dog.

from what i’ve seen so far, the good ones always seem to break

what a return. what a wonder. i missed this voice holy heck. in an interview, florence welch said, “i am very in love with the world and quite afraid of it as well; my feelings come on really strong.” and all i can say is my relatable songwriting queen has returned and i am so glad. i thought i was flying but maybe i’m dying tonight

snippets of internal monologue

  • i’ll never be able to hold a job down. i can never do it.
  • what kind of writer can’t write?
  • perhaps i should become amanda torroni. just swoop n swop

right. that’s it! that was may. so so different from the last two mays on this blog. life really changes in such a crazy way without asking you permission.

love and light,
shalom xo

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