those heavy days in june
when love became an act
june bled into july in a way that i wasn’t expecting, and that’s half the reason i’m writing this in mid july. the other half is because i’ve managed to convince myself that i’m absolute rubbish at writing and that i should definitely throw out the book idea i had. so i’ve been discouraged too. but the middle of 2018 found many of us at a point that was discouraging – not being where you thought you would be at a certain point is discouraging. realizing that you haven’t moved as fast or as far as you would have liked is discouraging. in any case, we’re all still here, and disappointing as that may be at times, at others, it must be enough. it’s enough.
here’s a picture of my neighbor that i took on june 5th that i really love. she’s lovely.
in june my brain took a beating. i wanted to stop taking my medicine (that didn’t go well), i wanted to drop out of uni, i wanted to walk into the ocean, i wanted to stop feeling lonely. i wanted a lot, really. nothing too extreme, but i had a lot of want. my dear friend dora went on a trip to europe and i lived vicariously through her. it looked so lovely and i’m while you can’t read about it here, you can read the rest of dora’s words. (they’re lovely.)
i guess so much time has passed since june that i don’t really know what to say about june, unless we’re talking about june by florence and the machine, off the newest album high as hope. high as hope was released at the end of june and proceeded to tell a story that i had wanted to tell for a long time. florence welch has a way with words that twists them into my chest and allows my heart to form around them, all before ripping them out along with my heart with an outrageous belt at in the middle of a song.
so, as to disappoint you further, here are my favorite lyrics from each song on the album:
june: hold on to each other
hunger: at least i understood the hunger i felt / and didn’t have to call it loneliness
south london forever: we’re just children wanting children of our own
big god: is it just part of the process / jesus christ, it hurts
sky full of song: i want you so badly but you could be anyone
grace: i don’t tell you enough, grace / you are so loved
patricia: how’s that working out for you honey? / do you feel loved?
100 years: give me arms to pray with instead of ones that hold too tightly
the end of love: i’ve always been in love with you / could you tell it from the moment that i met you?
no choir: and if tomorrow it’s all over / at least we had it for a moment
anyway, that was june. i felt a lot in the transition period between june and july. i hope to write more. hold on to each other.
love and light,