at least it’s cute that i tried.

hi friends. with this message, i am scraping by. a lot has happened in the last three weeks since we talked – i was heartbroken, found out some heartbreaking shit about my heartbreak, believed i was unworthy of attaining love – but i don’t think that anymore. time is just time and all we are are brains trying to understand themselves. and i’m doing a better job of understanding mine. with this, i’m scraping by.

i met a lovely lady on the train on the way to maryland. her name was judy and she told me about her life as an air force child, as a military bride, as another bride, and as the wife she is now and all the in between men that happened in her life. she made me feel a lot better about being dumped. where i’m at right now is that i’m really happy the whole thing panned out the way it did. i don’t wish i had loved less because that’s not how i roll, but i do wish i had super powers to make everyone honest. it’s cute that i tried.

i just wanna feel alive. and i’m taking my medicine and listening to good music, and i’m getting there. things are looking up and i didn’t get the job i was hoping for – which sucked – and school is starting soon. which, yes. thank everything.

this has been this. i’m scraping by.

love, from an air conditioned panera,
shalom xo