super natural

i am back in the dining hall for the first time this semestser. there are some new signs and a salad bar by the deli counter, but it has stayed the same for the most part. brower is the same as i left it, but nothing else is.

there is no massive group, no excited screeching, nobody stabbing apples or carving words into bananas – i am by myself and i have changed since i was last here. and thank goodness.

i see a boy i know, one i had a crush on. i greet sam. he’s nice. i get sushi – i eat fish now – and sit back down, scroll through my phone to decide what tonight will be. sitting in my apartment on my bed, sitting in my friend’s house, or standing at a show. i haven’t made a choice. everything is choices here. will you eat the california roll or just the avocado roll? will you pick the tofu and the cous cous salad? will you come back even though your anxiety tells you no?

the answer is yes. california or avocado – yes. tofu or cous cous – yes. come back – yes. i am the comeback kid. i am the girl who went crazy and came back. i am the girl who crawled out of the world she felt trapped in and built a new one. i am the girl dancing in the front at the show, i am the girl without a roommate, i am the girl with that accent, i am the girl who is the other girl’s friend. i am. and i say yes.

say yes.

love and light,
shalom xo

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august ’18 | monthly me

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

okay. i am swamped. school just started up and i am beyond beyond it. there is a lot but goddamn do i want this consistency. so, my dear friends, this was august.

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august was…

learning. i learned a lot this august. i spent a lot of it waiting for school to be back in session (and now that it is, i’m drowning) and i’m so happy to be learning again. i think i actually got over the break up this month due to me finding out some…things. idk. i don’t wanna get into it the long and the short of it is that exes are that for a reason. my housemates moved in and life got a little less lonely, and my friends are all incredible people doing excellent things. i’m growing to appreciate them even more, and i’m so grateful for it.

i learned some new songs on ukulele, started wearing my nose piercing again, danced a lot, saw my family, loved hard, and lived. i came to the conclusion that i love my life, because i made it. i made it and it’s here and it is mine. i love it.

tunes

nothing is forever, but don’t let it get you down

is it a good time or is it highly inappropriate?

snippets of internal monologue

  • if you die and leave your body but then come back then what
  • is a ukulele…just a…whiny bass?
  • the underwear sock monster

thanks for comin! see u soon!

love and light,
shalom xo