i am back in the dining hall for the first time this semestser. there are some new signs and a salad bar by the deli counter, but it has stayed the same for the most part. brower is the same as i left it, but nothing else is.
there is no massive group, no excited screeching, nobody stabbing apples or carving words into bananas – i am by myself and i have changed since i was last here. and thank goodness.
i see a boy i know, one i had a crush on. i greet sam. he’s nice. i get sushi – i eat fish now – and sit back down, scroll through my phone to decide what tonight will be. sitting in my apartment on my bed, sitting in my friend’s house, or standing at a show. i haven’t made a choice. everything is choices here. will you eat the california roll or just the avocado roll? will you pick the tofu and the cous cous salad? will you come back even though your anxiety tells you no?
the answer is yes. california or avocado – yes. tofu or cous cous – yes. come back – yes. i am the comeback kid. i am the girl who went crazy and came back. i am the girl who crawled out of the world she felt trapped in and built a new one. i am the girl dancing in the front at the show, i am the girl without a roommate, i am the girl with that accent, i am the girl who is the other girl’s friend. i am. and i say yes.
love and light,