this counts as two posts because i was kidnapped|connect

I AGED YESTERDAY.

My birthday happened! I am alright! I have lived to seventeen! I’m still quite anxious-y about it all, but give me a week and I’ll be alright. The question at hand is this: kidnapped?

Yes, kidnapped.

By my friends. Yesterday, while everyone was celebrating Murica’s birthday (regardless of whether they understood why), my friends whisked me away and threw a surprise party for me. Oh gosh, a teen girl surprise party, how expected. Except not. You see, for starters, I couldn’t write a post. I was to busy being fed cake and showered with sparklers on said cakes (PLURAL. CAKE-S.) and gifts (and also GIFs). Secondly, I was surprised at the surprise, but I was more surprised at what the friends managed to pull off – they got Sarah.

Sarah? Who’s Sarah?

Sarah is my absolute hjsadjfkghh. I can’t really explain it more than that. I hadn’t seen her in a year and a half (almost to the day) and somehow, they made it happen. It’s a strange thing, when you connect with someone after being away from them for so long, but still feel like you see them every day.

The thing about both Sarah and myself is that we’re not the best with people. It’s very easy for me, at least, to do my best to try and feel comfortable with a new group of people and completely freak out instead. What baffled me was the way Sarah was 900% ALRIGHT. Not because she’s incapable of being fine, but because I was (a) terrified that maybe for some reason she wouldn’t be okay with me due to the fact that I hadn’t laid eyes on her in 18 months (b) much less with other strangers she had never met.

I feel like this has turned into a waffle.

No, not that kind of waffle. The one where I just talk and talk (write and write?) and then lose myself so completely that my train of thought derails. Gone. Pew pew. Explosion.

Thanks for sitting through this. The ABEC is coming to a close. Things are winding down. I am now the owner of high heels. Yikes.

love and light
shalom

 

Birthday.

FIRST AND FOREMOST, I’VE BEEN OFFICIALLY VEGETARIAN FOR A YEAR TODAY!

I’ve always secretly had difficulty with birthdays. The major start was when I turned ten and I was in fifth grade, and the whole double digits thing terrified the crap out of me, and I would cry every night about how scared I was that another day was gone and in my entire decade of existence, I’d done nothing worthwhile.

I told everyone how excited I was, and my parents even let me have a party. And from the outside looking in, all was good.

For me, birthdays kind of signify the end. They make me realise how truly insignificant I am. It’s like a, “sixteen years and you’ve still done nothing?” kind of air. Also, I get really scared about time. Another day gone. Another day that I’ll never get to do over. Another day that’s totally gone unless I remember it. Ha, no pressure, right? Another day comes, and suddenly I’m dying faster than I was yesterday and I’m the youngest that I’ll ever be. It’s not the aging, it’s just the time, and the lack of control over it, I guess.

What else? The Facebook messages. I sometimes call myself the queen of Facebook because of how often I’m seen on there and how I take up most of everybody’s newsfeed, but the birthday posts kind of overwhelm me. Suddenly, all 780 – no, 781 people know I exist,and even remembered my birthday, or at least cared enough to look up into the corner of their screens to be reminded.

I’ve been suffering a major existential crisis lately, and I hope it dissolves once the birthday hush-hush comes down.

It’s July fourth. 16 years ago at 1;31AM in Prince George’s County in the East Coast state of Maryland, USA, I joined this massive dysfunctional, surviving population. My birthday last year was fun. I went out with three of my guy friends, and it was one of their birthdays too, so the attention really wasn’t on me. We watched Man Of Steel and laughed at shop windows until it was almost midnight. It was like being a proper teenager for once. Fun.

Happy birthday, Jordan Pascoe, and happy Independence Day to all the Americans reading! Happy Lesotho family day to anyone observing, happy Friday to every human being, happy unbirthday to you if your birthday isn’t today, and congratulations on living this far – I didn’t even think I would.

Fifteen was difficult. Perhaps sixteen would be better, perhaps worse. I’ll keep you updated, I promise.