EVERYTHING’S IN ORDER IN A BLACK HOLE

Alternatively: What to do when the level of shit that things are is too. damn. high.
(Edit: Alternatively, alternatively: A letter to a Shalom at rock bottom from a pseudo-Shalom who has some strange foresight.)

Hello gang. The alternative title of this post is an accurate view into my life for the last year or so, as you’ll know if you do even the tiniest bit of scrolling down my homepage. I’m a bit done with complaining about how much everything sucks for me on here, so here’s a little guide about how to deal with dealing with everything that sucks. What the hap is fuckening?

I’d like to start off by saying that every time I think I have hit rock bottom, there seems to be a deeper hole to fall into. At present, my room is a warzone: I climbed over a sleeping bag, vision board, laundry basket and pile of books to get to my computer. My body is the same, and my brain is…lukewarm. So to begin, understand that sometimes you can get lower than rock bottom. It sucks, and it happens, and you’ll live through it.

At rock bottom, it’s important not to get comfortable. (This whole post is sort of me yelling these things at myself, more than anything else.) As awful as it is to be on the jagged edge that is unemployment and really fast weight gain and very real isolation, I’ve found that I’ve made a sort of nest down here. It panics me because I feel like I’ll never be on top of things again, and that is a terrifying thing. So, force yourself out of the nest. Go outside three times a week, even when you have absolutely no reason to go outside. Text that friend who you’re friends with but you’re not sure if they’re friends with you. See how that goes. Run errands and check things off a list. Kick yourself into remembering that you can do things, and then do them.

Take care of your brain and body. Again, I come to you as a girl who has eaten french fries, ice cream, and salt and vinegar chips today, so I’m talking to myself. I pulled my head out of my ass and re-started taking the medication that helped me previously. Why did you stop, Shalom? Well, disembodied space voice, I don’t know. I thought I was getting better (which I was because the medication was working) and then I stopped taking it after my last refill (and stopped getting better). Go to the doctor if you feel unlike yourself. If rock bottom makes you want to jump off the ledge, go to the doctor. Suicidal ideation is a medical emergency. I am feeling better than I have done in the last couple of months. I’m glad and grateful. Take care of all of your health, starting with your head. Re body health, don’t fall into only ice cream and salt and vinegar chips five times a day every day. If you do, slow it down. (SHALOM, SLOW IT DOWN.) Are you healthy? Is the amount of gross stuff you’re putting in your body making you feel gross? Are you not putting enough food into your body in a quest for some version of health that…isn’t actually health? Take care. Friends, take care. Food is fuel, and it is necessary, and it is FINE. It’s really all absolutely fine. Stretch. Rest. Shower. Drink more water. Take care.

If, like me, you’ve been lacking routine due to monumental failures and your apparent unemployability, start doing something every day. It can be putting a glass of water by your bedside, or frying an egg, or doing calf raises while you brush your teeth, or spending five minutes outside, or writing down your feelings, or reading your respective holy book, or cleaning up a little bit of your space every day. Say yes to something you haven’t before. Do something. Remember that despite how much you feel like you are on the fringes of life, society, and sometimes sanity, you are here. You are here. You are here, and despite the madness, you can do things every day.

Understand your loneliness. I’ve been isolated from the few friends I made at uni last year because I didn’t go back to uni at the start of this year. My then-best friend moved across the ocean, and was no longer my best friend. The people who I thought I was growing with moved on as well, and stopped talking to me. My messages went unanswered, and sometimes all I got was a really patronising, “we’ve grown apart,” or “these things happen”. Understand that you are not alone because you are unlovable. You are not alone because everyone hates you. You are not alone. (The internet is an awesome place, and even if your friends are 15 000 km from you, they are your friends.) Even on your own, you are not alone. Even by yourself, you are something else.

What else? Words from the death to stock photo pack that today’s featured image comes from: Move toward the light. Build. Improve. Find good. Understand that rock bottom must end. Understand that even the hole through the hole through the floor that you fell through has a bottom. Understand that your tummy can change from chiseled to very, very soft in a few months. Understand that your body is still good. Understand that you are still good. You are still loved. You are still worthy.

love and light,
shalom xo

Six Things I’ve Learned Preparing For My Upcoming Trip

If you’ve been around here before, you’ll know that I’ve spent most of this year (a) going through the absolute most, and (b) saving for a trip to Portugal. If you haven’t, or didn’t know: welcome! I’ve spent most of this year saving for a trip to Portugal.

In May this year, I was watching my favourite travel vloggers and considering the novelty of travelling somewhere alone. So I used mine and every other broke traveller’s saving grace, Skyscanner, to look for a cheap flight from Johannesburg (Any) to Anywhere. I was looking for the first and cheapest thing off of the African continent, and the beautiful city of Lisbon popped up and stole my heart.  And money.

After a session or three of I-can’t-sleep-so-let-me-research-this-decision sessions, i decided to tell my sisters, brother and mom that I would be going to Portugal in November. My mom laughed, and older sister looked at me and said, “I’m coming too”. And that was that. We had six months to raise all of the money we would need, and too many problems that tried to throw us off. So. Here are some things I’ve learned:

MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A VALID PASSPORT / VISA / VACCINATIONS.

This seems pretty obvious, but 2016 just so happened to be the year where both of my passports expired right before I needed to book flights. Check your passport(s). I ended up renewing both of them by myself and felt very adult-like, but I was still pressed for time for flights.

BOOK FLIGHTS EARLY!

Some tips on booking flights: most places where you buy a flight online have a booking fee, and if you’re a broke bitch like me or if you just want to save money, call into the place first – the booking fee is usually waived when you call in or go instore. Book early. That lucrative price you’re drooling over? You’re gonna keep drooling. Because it’s going up in three, two…

HOSTELS > HOTELS.

Why on earth would you stay in a hotel that you know you can’t afford if you could stay in a hostel, meet new people from all over the world who are travelling cheaply just like you, and still receive free breakfast and wifi? Y’all. Come on now. When deciding which hostel to stay in, check reviews and make sure you don’t pass over a great deal because there’s a bigger hostel overshadowing a little gem.

MONEY IS PROBLEM. KINDA.

Look, money is funny. There’s never enough of it, and just when you think you have enough, you remember that the exchange rate on Google isn’t the same rate the bank is going to give you. Walking into a forex place with a wad of cash and coming out with ten notes is a little discouraging, but you’ll survive. Have a plan. Capitalise on the free breakfast. Do your research on where to eat and how to move around cheaply. You’ll live. (I’m hoping you will. I’ll let you know if I do in about a week or so.)

LEARN A LITTLE OF THE LANGUAGE!

Even if it’s just little things like asking where the bathroom is, or how to say left and right so that you can interpret directions. Languages are amazing and impossible to avoid, so rather prepare yourself and know how to get to the airport shuttle than having a breakdown in the airport. 10/10 would recommend googling ‘(language) for tourists’.

PSYCH YOURSELF UP FOR TRAVELLING ALONE.

My sister and I are going on different dates because of exam clashes, and I’m a little scared about being alone. No, I’m not a wimp for this – I’m just scared. I’m going to travel through a country alone and make a stop in another’s airport (I see you, Angola) and it’s gonna be a little scary. But that’s okay, because I know I just have to feel the fear and to the thing anyway. I mean, I paid for it! I may as well. It may not be sunshine and rainbows from jump, so prepare yourself for the anxiety, fear, and wonder that comes with flying solo.

In three dayS, I’m going to write an exam, come home, say goodbye to my family and then hop on the train (subway? metro? gautrain.) to the airport. I’m going to leave for Portugal via Angola with nobody watching my back but myself. I’m excited beyond belief. Prepare yourself for the inevitable spam.

love and light,
shalom xo

 

Scoot on ~ the grade 11 imposed hiatus

SCOOTON IS BACK!!!

Hey guys! After about a week and a bit long hiatus, I’m around again! Let me present you with some simple facts that I’ve learned in the short week or so that I’ve been back at school:

  1. School is still school. You can dress it up, mark it down, give it ribbons, add electronic sign boards, get new security guards, appoint new teachers, DO WHATEVER. School is still a place where you get taught things, 50% of which you’ll forget should you go a year without looking over them. Regardless, it’s happened. Oh well.
  2. Math is STILL MATH.  I don’t know what I was hoping for when I got back to the hell pit. Maybe I was expecting a new teacher and a sudden vast understanding of this whole number thing. Guess what? NOPE! I did get a new teacher though – one that doesn’t tell me to practice my trig to become a plumber.
  3. People don’t change. And I know this is pretty generic, but I’ve found out most recently that it’s true.People change some of the things that they do, but they themselves do not.  If someone was -for lack of a better word- mean, at one stage, then the chances are that sooner or later they’re going to be mean beyond the point of being excusable. Can I utter my words of advice? Especially if you’re like me,  put yourself first. You may be a lazy selfish ASS at home, but when it comes to other people, you might be a people pleaser. STOP. Forgive them – for yourself.
  4. SCHOOL IS OVER IN A YEAR AND A HALF FOR ME. That is scary and that is all.
  5. I think too much. About stuff that’s strange. Random stuff. Like why one teacher looks like a vampire and sometimes wears his wedding ring (?) on his pinky finger. Also, about this blog, and when I’m going to write, and what to write. And about ballet, and how people can be really bad drivers. But that’s all in the scheme of things, in terms of the way things go.

I really have to go do some math now, OR I SHALL BE FAILING ELEVENTH GRADE.  That’s bad, if you were wondering. I’ll be back sooner rather than later, dependent on the life stuff and other things you don’t care about. Go forth and prosper! 

All my love,

-Scoot xx

Scoot on ~ chronic douchebaggery

Yeah, so I’m still in Ethiopia and I have a pretty strong feuling for this post: beware – yet another rant (though calmer than most) awaits.

I’ve met my fair share of awful people. And I know more of them await (due to the fact that I’m 15 and basically know nothing in the grand scheme of things), and I plan to face them all with the same attitude…except if they happen to be a re-incarnarion of Mandela of some sort – may his soul forever be at never ending peace.

Anyway, on to today’s subject matter: the douchebag.

Who, and or what, is the douchebag, and where does it/ this person come from?

Prime example of the day: I have a friend. Her name is Jenna, and she’s in my ballet class. We don’t go to the same school, and only see each other about 3 times a week when I can make class.

Jenna went to a party. (Yay parties!) Jenna saw the DJ who just so happened to go to my school. (Yay DJ!) Jenna took a fondness towards said DJ. (Yay fondness?) DJ happened to go to my school. (Yay Northcliff!)

So me being the friend that I am, I tell Jenna I’d find out about this DJ guy. Armed with nothing but the name ‘Andrew’, I set out to find more about this kid.

And then I realised that I knew Andrew. (Yay Andrew?)

NO.
(insert rage here)

Andrew once teased one of the less popular girls in his grade, something about her hair being frizzy or something. If you know anything about me, you know that if there’s one thing I can stand in this world, it’s injustice. That includes all type of bullying or mistreating of anyone EVER.

So I, being me, proceeded to publicly push Andrew -note: he stumbled back and shall not quickly forget that he was assaulted in the name of justice and threatened with castration should he try to defeat the ends of justice again- and get this girl away from him.

Jenna’s smart. You can guess that her intrest levels in Mr. Andrew changed rather drastically.

(Negatively, that is.)

Andrew is a prime example of what I’d call a douchebag. Or a douchenozzle, or total idiot, or misguided fool, or…well you get the point.

The douchebag has a stange way of somehow attracting, in this case, many of the fine female species to his douchebaggery ways. This, however, is not adviseable.

DO NOT FALL FOR A DOUCHEBAG
DO NOT LET HIM IN
DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT

(crazy warning moment over)

Look, I don’t have a problem with many people, but if you’re really just an intolerant butt-face who thinks he’s God’s gift to humanity…there’s a problem. How to find out if you’re a douchebag 101, done.

So in conclusion, don’t be awful. I’ll will pull a complete Liam Neeson on you – okay, maybe a half Liam Neeson on you- because I will find you and injure you.

Badly.

Regardless, if you’re a douchebag, stop and be nice. Chronic Douchebagerry can be treated. If you’re not? Ah, just keep being you, you’re awesome. And I send you tonnes of positive energy because you deserve it. Bwam!

Stay you people, and keep your eyes peeled and brains attentive for the nearest d-bag. Objects in the rear view mirror are closer than they appear, look out.

Can’t wait to be back home in SA!

All my love, all the time,
-Scoot xx

Scoot on ~ what NOT to do in an Ethiopian Airport

Hi guys! So I’m in Ethiopia, as this title may have informed you XD This is a beautiful country so far, and I’m really staying in such a great place – I think – and it should be good!

So the flight here from Joburg was good, and the plane was actually really cool! And then we touched down. At the airport.

Now, who knows how to spell trouble?

Me. T-R-O-U-B-L-E.

Also spelled as ‘my dad is a diplomat and has a tendency of causing trouble because he thinks he’s really REALLY important and everyone gets annoyed by that very quickly’.

In brief, what happened was that we got to passport control, and some protocol officer called my dad to the front. And then lots of arguing. And then pushing and shoving. And then ‘we were here first!’. And this continued for about…50 minutes?

So what’s the moral of the story? STAY IN THE DARN QUEUE! I honestly would rather have just stood peacefully for half an hour than stand and get shoved around for the most part of an hour.

So look. When in Ethiopia? Stay as normal as possible. Think you’re special? YOU’RE NOT. Hate to be the one who dampens your spirits, but I guess things are different in an airport?

You know you’re still amazing and all that, I mean, look at you! 😉

So I’ll be sure to update later, day 2 of Ethiopia awaits!

All my love, all the time
-Scoot xx

Scoot on ~ having no clothes

“I can’t go out, I  have no clothes.” 

Something said far too often by people who actually just have too many clothes to choose from, that they feel so overwhelmed and get struck with temporary blindness, causing them to be unable to see their masses and masses of clothing. At least that’s what I think happens.

I personally have never been a victim of no-clothes-itis but it hits some people pretty badly. Take my best friend for an example: I went to her house after school because we had an arts evening that night. So she opens her cupboard and says “I have no clothes.” And considering the fact that she lives with her dad, and only 30% of her collection was at mom’s house, it’s relatively understandable.

Except for the part where she ACTUALLY HAD CLOTHES.

I used to think that when somebody said that they had no clothes, it meant that they HAD NONE. I guess I learned not when I was about 12 and somebody said that they had no clothes, so I proceeded to chuck every article of clothing out of their closet and say “You sure?”

Don’t get me wrong, I understand what it feels like not to want to wear the same thing twice. And it’s really not coming from a viewpoint of somebody with lots of clothing. I literally have one pair of shorts. I mean, yes, it feels like you’ve worn absolutely everything. But let me be the very first to assure you: YOU HAVE NOT.

I guess there are loads of things you can do…I mean I don’t know, I’m just a random tall kid who lives in a pair of jeans. I guess accesorising is good…and mixing and matching…and trends…and a whole bunch of other fashion stuff I don’t know a flying fart about. But people do, and I guess learning from them is good…unless if you’re a lazy ass like me who’d just rather wear jeans.

I think clothes are so frustrating, I mean I hate that clothes are a thing. Not because I’d rather be naked (Sweet Baby Jesus NO) , I’d hate it because things cost money and money…well it’s money. Egh.

I think that everybody has a sense of style, and I also have no clue what I’m talking about, so it’s really best you take NOTHING I say about fashion into consideration. Except this: PLEEEAASE DO NOT FOLLOW THAT TREND SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE PUT OUT THAT SAID THAT WEARING YOUR HAIR UNDER A HUGE CHUNKY NECKLACE IS COOL!

That’s it really. Sooooo I guess I’ll go have a look in my not so full but most definately NOT empty closet now. I hope you had the  most stellar of days and that you go forth and prosper in whatever else you do today. 😀

All my love, all the time

Scoot xx