monthly me | april ’18

well, let it pass, he thought; april is over, april is over. there are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice.

– f scott fitzgerald, the sensible thing

it’s the same every april, my friends. except, this april, this quote means something different to me. april is over and i have experienced a new kind of love, one that has me believing that there really are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice. this is april.

april showers…

it rained a lot this month. we also, however, had many more brighter days which happily coincided with my desperate need for them. my mood’s been a lot better, i’m taking my medicine, my brain is behaving – i’m okay. this month was a bit of a shit show in terms of school, but i’ve made it to the end of it and i am so so glad to be able to say i survived it. this month i also did a very adult thing and went apartment hunting! i’m happy to say i’ll be signing for it in a little bit and that i’ll be leaving dorm life in a neat little chapter titled “sophomore year in america and all the nice and shit things that came with it”.

this past month i got a new journal, painted hydrangeas while drinking summer sangria, damn near cried over linguistics, found 3 random housemates, broke my headphones, worked out exactly 1 (one) time, suffered through the pain of my wisdom teeth coming in, stressed about the dental appointment i am yet to make to have them removed, made countless flashcards, decided to write again, and ate 3 (three) burgers. the second was the better burger.

april was not terrible. i spent all of it wrapped in a very tender sort of love that i hadn’t experienced before, and i hope to experience it for a long time. love is rad as hell. still don’t appreciate the “you’ll find somebody” speech that people would give me. all that aside, my love takes up mega heart and brain real estate, and i’ve found myself in a very happy place since adding him to my world. (thanks baby. i love you.)

good. that was april.

tunes

come over tomorrow, it’s that kind of evening
we’ll get mixed up on both sides of the ceiling

impatiently, as i wait for you

(this is a beauuuuutiful tune. it reminds me of drives (from the passenger seat) and a steady hand on my leg.)

count the headlights on the highway

(oh my soul, was this killer. it’s tiny dancer by florence and the machine, and it is a wonderfully crafted masterpiece.)

snippets of internal monologue

  • i would give anything to be in florida for a bachelor party right now.
  • just be cool just be cool just be — ah fuck.
  • but self neglect is just so much easier!
  • quit. quit like the lany song.

this has been april and it is up on time because the bitch is back. it feels good. however your month was, let it pass. open yourself to some of that new love, my friends.

love and light,
shalom xo

monthly me | april ’17

Well, let it pass, he thought; April is over, April is over. There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice.

– F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Sensible Thing

I’ll probably start every post near the end of April or the beginning of May with this quote. I love it a whole lot, and every time I read it I’m reminded of the same things and a million things I hadn’t thought of in a while. Anyway, April is over! April is over, and I have had a better month than I thought I would.

from the camera roll

 

tunes + vids

this is one of the funniest videos i have seen in a really long time, and i can’t tell you why. i love it a ridiculous amount. thank you hank green.

april has been…

April has been better. I came out of March feeling very hazy, and I’m feeling a little better coming out of April. To be honest, I’m feeling a lot better. I’ve settled into a groove of being more okay with being as alone as I am. I’ve found that isolation means saving money, and I’m ending off the month with a positive bank balance for the first time since…ever? I like the church I’m at now. I like the focus of love, I like the sincerity of the people, I like the way it’s not commercialised, and I like that there are no isolating judgements. People are people, and loving them is what I do and it’s all good.

I’m feeling very okay – not phenomenally excellent, or particularly horrid. Just okay. Very okay. April has been too much and enough – the precarious balance that I long and live for. My brain is easing into itsng in love with every person I meet is the biggest strength and weakness that I have, but I’m easing into that too.

obsessions

  • Holiday Club 2017! Holiday club was the most fun & exhausting & rewarding week I’ve had in a long time. Spending a week with 150 kids and getting to watch them just be was incredible. There was so much love going around, and so much ice cream on Friday.  Too much ice cream.
  • Re-watching seasons 1-3 of New Girl. Oh my GOD. I mentioned how I’ve spent a lot of time noticing where my mannerisms come from, and the answer for the majority of them is season 1 & 2 Nick Miller. I didn’t realise how much I picked up from New Girl until I did this rewatch. It is madness – from the way Schmidt shortens words to the way Nick moonwalks away from situations and says things are the opposite of what he wants, there is a fundamental part of 2012 Shalom that owes herself to New Girl on Fox.
  • Nerdwriter episodes are quickly becoming some of my favourite things on the internet. I adore the video essay format, I adore the thinking behind each episode, I adore the content… I love it. I recommend watching a couple of them. (Also, watch The Prestige.)

Today there is a Harry Potter quiz with spaces that are near impossible to get, and I snagged a table for six. I am EXCITED. Today also marks the start of BEDIM, my newest project. BEDIM stands for a blog every day in May, and I’m ready to be creatively juiced by the end of it. The end of April also marks the two and a half month mark until I leave South Africa, and I’m hoping that anxiety can override the birthday anxiety. Issa lot.

Say it in your mind until you know that the words are right. This is how we fight.

Thanks, April. It is well.

love and light,
shalom xo