Awards! Deadlines! PRESENTS | Blogmas Day 9

SO MUCH IS HAPPENING TODAY HOLY CRAP

Alright. Let’s go through this slowly, yeah?

  • Awards

I was nominated for an award by Kaila from [let me tell you my story.]! I feel so overwhelmed and so stereotypical because I dropped my beans on toast down my front when I found out. Thank you Kaila! (I stalk your Instagram compulsively.) I’ll be sure to complete that in the next couple of days, but I have job interviews and birthdays and college apps and…speaking of college apps:

  • Deadlines

MY ONE APP IS DUE TOMORROW AND I REALISED TODAY. Never a good sentence to hear. I’m in the process of frantically reading through my personal statement and hoping that offence spelled offence isn’t wrong as opposed to offence spelled as offense. I’m a little (read: a lot) teary eyed (read: DROWNING IN TEARS) at the application fees. I don’t know where to get $70… six times over. I don’t know how just be like, “YO FATHER, I NEED MORE CASH THAN I HAVE EVER HELD. OR SEEN. FOR SCHOOL THAT I MAY NOT GET INTO.”. I’m a little terrified of entering the credit card details because I KNOW that I’m never getting that cash back. Even if it never belonged to me to begin with.

  • Presents

I’m cashless. I have four siblings and two parents, school chums and family friends and basically every other person on the planet to buy presents for. I don’t know exactly how I’m going to do it, but I have to get around to it somehow. I wish e-cards were actually as cool as the internet said they were in 2009.

All of this aside, THERE ARE SIXTEEN DAYS UNTIL CHRISTMAS. There is also no gingerbread in my house. This is an issue. I shall remedy this tomorrow, if I STOP GOING TO BED AT 4 A.M AND WAKING UP AT ONE IN THE AFTERNOON.

Love and light,
shalom x

Christmas College | Blogmas Day 6

Thank you for returning, if you’re a returnee! If not, let me fill you in: yesterday was really shit, and yesterday’s post was really shit, and the returnees are gems for having returned. As are you, for showing up. Are we all on the same page?

To get us all warmed up for the brilliant boring-ness that is my life, have this:

 

I FORGOT HOW FUNNY THESE ARE TO MAKE IM YELLING

A video posted by Teen Wolf (@stiles.scott.isaac) on Dec 5, 2015 at 11:45pm PST

 

Onto today! I started today in tears, and woke up awfully sick and stuffy. Again. Do tears make you sick? I thought to myself, “today seems nice enough. I should vlog. Should defs find my camera.” I didn’t. In any case, I spent my mid-morning / afternoon at the Rosebank Rooftop Market, which was incredible. There were so many stalls, so much food, and crazy talented tap dancers. I wish I took more photographs – the market was amazing from start to finish. Also, there was a juice bar. JUICE. BAR.

Upon arriving home, I was slapped in the face by two things: A reminder from myself in the form of SHALOM YOU IDIOT YOU HAVEN’T BEEN TAKING YOUR AFTERNOON MEDS YOU FOOL; and THE SCHOLARSHIP DEADLINE IS DECEMBER 10TH YOU FOOL FINISH YOUR APPS YOU FOOL.

I refer to myself as “you fool” in my head an awful lot.

As I type this, the day is almost out. I have not even opened the application portal. I am now a secret santa to someone in my family, broke, trying to organise sleepovers, envious, disheveled (and not in a cute way), biting the nail polish off of my sad excuses for fingernails, in a lot of pain, and listening to love songs.

I ate almost a litre of ice-cream yesterday. I’m doing substantially better. I wish I could go to uni to learn how to Christmas more effectively. Christmas College. I think I’m going to title this post with that.

If any kind souls out there would be keen to proofread my college app supplements, let me know? I’d owe you endless.

Love and light,
shalom x

It’s Beginning To Look A Lot Like Deadlines | Re: College Apps

My final exams are on their last legs. I have three more papers, two of which are on the same day (yes, it’s alright History & Drama, you can kill me, I don’t mind), and I’m very, very excited to have it all over with.

Mostly because I need more time. For school.

I’m applying to several universities (colleges?) in both the USA and Canada, and most of my deadlines are disturbingly close to December 10th – the day one of my girls (who are we kidding) leaves for Viet-fricken-nam. There is a lot to be done in the way of essays, “why and how would your admission to XYZ University benefit the University and the world?” type questions, paying CRAZY fees just to send through a form, and hoping to all that is holy that I didn’t screw up too badly in these finals so that I can at least  have some sort of shot.

In other December news: It’s almost Christmas?

I was talking to my mom about how this year, Christmas doesn’t feel anything like it. The supermarkets started decorating late, no Christmas craft pop-up stores have opened up as of yet, and honestly, nobody is excited. My mom gave me a simple answer: “it’s because there’s no money this year.”Makes sense.

In any case, the Christmas feeling is near non-existent; the pressure of deadlines is mounting, and I think I’m going to an 18th birthday party tonight. Maybe. (Update: I’m going.)

To all of the kids completing college apps as well, good luck. May we all finish in time, write bomb ass essays, and be accepted to our RD schools with promising financial aid packages. May we not break out into hives every time we think about out upcoming student loans and the fact that we’ll all be broke until we’re 35.

love and light,
shalom


Also; thanks for the new update, WordPress! I love it.

On Faltering Hopes and Broken Promises

People with money who pay for all your things while you’re a minor. Can’t live with ’em, can’t live without them. Unfortunately.

Whether your parent(s), your siblings, or whoever your caretaker is, someone always seems to let you down. Some more than others. Some promise you a trip to the mall and don’t let you know that they’re broke so you cant actually get anything. Some cancel said trip without letting you know. Some encourage you to get scholarships for high school and university options, and then flat out refuse to send you. Some encourage you to work really really hard at school, and take external tests and apply for all the universities that you want to…and then refuse to answer you when you ask about fees. Et cetera. I am angry. Et cetera.

My father is an important man. He’s influential and intelligent. People think he’s a good father too. (False.) But him -he source of 89% of my anger, sadness and frustration- aside, I’ve been trying to figure out how this life thing is going to work if people who hold such weighty claims over my life keep not coming through. As in, they just continue to leave promises unfulfilled and  leave me unable to plan any further than two months into the future. As in, I’m finishing high school in 10 weeks or so, and I have no idea if what I want is possible, or even plausible because my future doesn’t merit that kind of discussion, “it’s not [my] problem”, and because I should expect magic to happen and for my life to fall into a place along with fifty thousand dollars. Obviously.

College is expensive. This is a fact. Uni in South Africa is great, and the standards are great, and it’s all wonderful and cheaper but it’s not what I’ve been working towards since 2012. I was told then that if I worked hard and did well in my SATs, I could go back to the US for college. I got keen. I got down to business to defeat the huns. (Sneaky Mulan ref.) I fell in love with cities (hello, Iowa City) and universities all over the world (Buckinghamshire New University, I see you). I threw myself at schools (Hi, Bethel College!) and settled on a place that was more academically sound and in a super diverse city (Montreal. Hi. Yes.). And then, like everything else I’ve ever been invested in, it got snatched away because someone changed his mind.

Not this time.

There’s a lot I can take, but playing around with my future to this extent is a no-no. Closer to a hell no, no way on heaven or earth or in hell or in a parallel universe, but it’s a no.

Same, Simon. It's a no from me, too.

Same, Simon. It’s a no from me, too.

So, student loans are happening. Jobs are happening. Savings are happening. Selling shit is happening. Because I’m getting out of here next year, and I’m going to Canada with someone I love, and I’m making this happen. Whether the money giver gives or not, it’s happening.

I’m ferociously bitter. Also, my mom told me not to put my feelings on the internet. (Sorry mom.)

Love and light
Shalom

one month later|connect

a pep talk for julyIn all honesty, I’m completely clueless how to go about writing this post. In actual fact, I’m not entirely sure about how this sentence will go; I’m just hoping it turns out okay by the end. Phew. Seems satisfactory.

I’ll be writing a post every day of July this ye– oh, wait: where have you heard that before? Yes. Here. Where NaBloPoMo and NaNoWriMo were both embarrassingly attempted by me. Well, I’ll be doing it. Again. Not the embarrassing part though. I thoroughly intend to finish!

This year’s theme is connect, as you can tell by the snazzy little badge I’ve snagged in the sidebar, and I’m pretty keen to find out what kind of trash (and hopefully, some non-trash) I’ll be spewing for a month. That…that there is a vivid image. Good job, Shalom.

ONTO THE FIRST POST! I haven’t updated this blog in almost exactly a month, and there are many reasons and excuses I could give. June is exam month in South Africa and every day from June 5th onward was a horrible practical joke. At least I hope it was. If it wasn’t, my physics and chemistry exams will let me know (THEY WENT HORRIBLY LIKE BURN THE REPORT CARD BEFORE YOUR MOTHER SEES IT HORRIBLY). Also, I’ve been going through the 7th Annual Birthday Existential Crisis, because I’m ageing soon.

“Gosh, Scoot, you’re so dramatic.”
Yes. Yes I am.

I am also very, very panicked about being older. (If you missed the 6th ABEC, you can catch yourself up here.) I tend to shrink into myself more than I do when I’m alone during this time of year (which is an awful lot, I’ll have you know), so connecting, in a word, becomes difficult. The ABEC forces me to find new ways to deal with things that I’m perfectly equipped to during any time of the year apart from the days between June 20th and July 10th.

I suppose that the extensive number of emails I’ve sent out to American universities (HELLO Bethel College and University of Iowa thank you for replying always except when you don’t :)) counts as some form of connecting- I haven’t failed completely at that.

Worry not friends – I ensure you (at least I hope to everything) that every July post will not be as anxiety ridden and angst filled as I currently am. I feel like I’ll come around. The thing about me, about the things I go through-about the depression and the anxiety and the eating and the school- is that I always get through. I don’t know how, but I do. And I like to think that I always will.

In the words of Luigi:Here we go!

yours, shalom