Maybe, May.

“Well, let it pass, he thought; April is over, April is over. There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice.”

We are already a week into May, and I am shell shocked and amazed and terrified because of it.

April brought the biggest heartbreak I have ever felt. I learned that I could actually cry for three straight days. I managed to not fail my first law test, and just pass my first English essay.  My best friend is moving 13,330 km away from me. She lives 20 km away from me now, and I last saw her at the beginning of April. My head is heavy and my body just aches. Things have been a lot.

 

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how perfectly angsty of me

The freshman fifteen has very quickly turned into the freshman “I am bad at spending money efficiently and also am constantly buying other people food so now I barely recognise my body”. Yes. I did join a gym, though. I joined an on-campus gym that’s going to have fourteen treadmills and hot showers. It’s opening in July, but I am very very excited. I’m also very lucky and #blessed to be able to have that to look forward to.
booo

It’s concerning that many teenagers drink to forget. 18 years is so little time in the grand scheme of things, but when it’s all you know, it’s the longest time. Why would you want to forget by means of ethanol based products?  Why not? Why am I thinking about this?

My headphones have been stolen. Again. Along with my cellphone charger. What is going on with me and losing stuff?

I went for a good two weeks without taking my medication because I was too anxious/busy to go pick it up at the pharmacy. I felt like an idiot. I’m doing better now, though. I’ve got my Wellbutrin and a big headache.

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One of my favourite people on the internet – Michelle from Piece of Caustic – wrote: “I think too much of my life has consisted of me eyeing the gap between me and others and wondering what to do with it.” I wish I would stop wondering. I wish I could hit myself in the face enough times for me to realise that I need to get my shit together and stop spending money like I have it. I need to realise that I can’t fill that gap with the utter bullshit my drunk heart spouts. It doesn’t tell the truth. It tells lies and hurts me, and everyone around. I need to find out what to do with that gap, or to get in it.

time-overwhelmed

Will May be the month I find out what the hell is going on? Probably not. I’m writing my first set of uni exams this month, and coming to terms with the fact that I’m going to be in Johannesburg for the next three years of my life. Being grounded is hard when you just want to go.

Maybe I’ll make sense of myself a little bit more this month.

Maybe May.

love and light
shalom xo


featured image from paper-leaf.com

Scoot on ~ the trouble of theme choosing

SIDE NOTE: this post was meant to be published last night, buuuut our friend the internet did not allow for such. Sorry, I’ll just be posting twice today! X

The theme on my blog is aptly named TwentyThirteen. And being the person that I am, today, I sat down and said to myself, “Come now, whatever happened to leaving TwentyThirteen in 2013?” So, as the average human being would do, I went to the mirror and poked the reflection for 13 minutes – oh, yes, I now have a watch- and then I decided to browse through some new themes.

Now, because I’m me  (otherwise known as ridiculously indecisive and unable to be fast about it) I felt really intimidated by all of the themes and the variety posed by them all. I guess the logistics were simple: choose a new theme that’s good for mostly text posts and is interesting enough to look at. 

What actually happened was 21 minutes of scrolling and anxiety.

So, let me introduce you to a very small selection of the WordPress themes that I considered, and the extreme in-my-head conversation that accompanied them.

  • TwentyFourteen

twentyfourteen-home

Hey, seeing that that’s next year and my current theme corresponds with the year, I should probably carry on with that. Oh. Ohhh. This is pretty. Look how those photos show up. Pretty. Featured images really shine in this theme.‘ Hey, that would work…if I used featured images. -_- Okay, so this one is out. Bummer.

  • Shine On

Shine On

OWL! I like owls! MM, this looks cool. Looks like it could be used for writing. Mm, sounds good. Oh, what’s Harry’s owl’s name? Headwig! Why isn’t this theme called Headwig? Oh well, you can’t have everything. It’s pretty bright, it could possibly be exciting! Megh. Megh megh megh. No, not this one.

  • Writr

Home Page

A HOT CUP OF TEA! I do like this! still, this isn’t a photo blog…and there are these two columns that kinda scare me…but the colours are pretty? Yeah no this isn’t going to work.

  • EVERY SINGLE THEME

Achahacahahahah hehe sleepy time 😀 oh is that a goat? Hmm what’s on tumblr? THIS CRAPPY INTERNET CONNECTION IS KILLING ALL VIBES THAT I HAVE EVER HAD.

me: yeah it’s almost 3am better sleep
next harry potter book: oh no you don’t
me: leave me alone I want sleep
harry: hello there
me: WTF IM HALLUCINATING I NEED SLEEP
dudley’smom: harry come here now you rubbish child
me: OH NO YOU DIDN’T hold on sleep I’ll be back

***

And this is the reason my theme is still TwentyThirteen.

Well, new year’s posts are mandatory, so see you tomorrowowowowowowWOW! 😀

All my love, all the time

-Scoot xx