Scoot on ~ this jealousy, man.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why I feel the way I do, and how ridiculous some of the reasons are.Today, a friend of mine finally asked out a girl. They were both really happy, and everyone who was nearby was also really happy, and I was really happy for them both, and I stayed behind with her so she could fawn over teenage girl things with me, and it was lovely. I was really glad to know that she was glad.

Problem? No problem!

Except this conclusion that I’ve come to: I’m jealous of everything.

You have a cat? I’m jealous.

You get a good math grade? I’m jealous.

You find a good study system? Still jealous.

You in love with a boy? Very jealous.

It is said that jealousy is the human condition, and more so that of the teenager.

“If you swim effortlessly in the deep oceans, ride the waves to and from the shore, if you can breathe under water and dine on the deep treasures of the seas; mark my words, those who dwell on the rocks carrying nets will try to reel you into their catch. The last thing they want is for you to thrive in your habitat because they stand in their atmosphere where they beg and gasp for some air.”

Am I trying to sabotage everyone with a cute cat and a brilliant math grade? No. Am I trying to kill/injure/ruin/negatively influence the boy you’re in love with? No. I suppose it’s more of a longing than jealousy, because heaven knows I’M LONGING FOR A GOOD STUDY SYSTEM.

I don’t know, I’m trying to stay felony free and not do anything illegal because of longing. Am I Miss-Steal-Your-Boy? Maybe. (NO I’M NOT)

Remain sane,

-Scoot xx


ALMOST A YEAR. HELP.

Scoot on ~ that emotion thing

faces

 

The weight

of a simple human emotion

weighs me down.

~Troye Sivan

Apart from providing you with some beautiful lyrics,I have another task today. It’s day 4 of my 100 happy days, and I’m feeling happy as can be – not really,but I feel alright – but I have something that I really need to get out.

No, it’s not a fart.

Okay, so I’ve been on this planet for almost 16 years and I’ve been impressed by it every day.I know sometimes people say that they’re so sick of the planet and they’d much rather go some place else, but there really isn’t any other place to go as of now. If you’re that person, sit tight and appreciate where you are or try to move planets and suffer the consequences (i.e. death with a side of death).

The basis of the existence of some people, and recently myself, is a war with one’s self. I think the fact that we are human plays a big role in this. I always marvel at the humans’ ability to keep going. They always manage to stagger on – even with tears streaming down their faces.

This ability, I think, lies within emotion. Today I felt things that I would never have thought I would this time last year. I felt pain, but not physical or the usual emotional pain, but pain that comes from being so numb, it hurts. Well,that sounded dramatic! This human emotion thing is really a lot to deal with though.

The thing about these emotions for me is that I’m crazy about them. I’m crazy about hurt, and love, and pain. Not crazy about feeling them, they just fascinate me. I like the idea of different forms of the same emotions, and the way every single person can feel it regardless of who they are or what they’ve been through.

But that’s the thing about the love. It’s not about a boy or a girl or a cat for me, it’s just the love. I’m an addict, and I need my fix. But everyone is out. There is no love for me. None of the love to spare.

I feel that way sometimes. I don’t feel like nobody loves me (I think ermigaaard) or that I have nobody to love, it just feels like it’s run out everywhere. And all the love stores are on a very extended lunch break or are closed until further notice.

So, yes, I feel a little weighed down.

 

Until happier days, hopefully

-Scoot xx