monthly me | feb ’18

february was twenty eight days of me wondering when the weather will be warm again. i had a couple of moments that mad me apprehensive about the rest of my life forever, but i’m still here and that’s all i can ask of myself. what am i doing this summer? nobody knows! here’s february.

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this month…i remember very little. and it’s not because i’ve been belligerently intoxicated nor is it because i’ve suddenly lost my memory, but because this month has been more of the same and i find myself having less and less to report. i went to fewer shows this month, got sick for half of the month, and did more work for the band than i have in a while (did anyone tell you how stressful it is to book a tour? because it is stressful as all hell). i think it’s because i spent february looking into the future – i’m trying to plan the summer and also the rest of my degree, but the stress that makes me want to never come out of my blankets always creeps up on me, and suddenly it’s depression naps like i never expected.

i did a poem called bees on the last day of the month. it was the bees knees and i loved it.

i do remember that i listened to a good amount of music this month. stay tuned. one morning saw me waking up at 5 am and listening to lana del rey’s born to die: the paradise edition twice over for no reason other than because i was awake. it reminded me of september 2016. can you believe it’s 2018?

i sometimes wonder if i could look back on february and remaster it like an old album. what songs would i add more reverb to? probably to anti-prom, yelling car seat headrest’s drugs with friends; maybe i’d reverse the night i spent in bayville for a couple of hours; definitely delete the day i realized how sick i was getting. i hope this isn’t one of those forever sick sicknesses. anyway. february was a song that is track six on an album – good, but not too good. i’m okay with it. 2018 is still a good album. like, frank ocean good.

tunez n vidz

idk why i don’t watch much youtube anymore. i think because it’s become more and more of a cop out. i don’t know. here’s some tunez and a big gif i enjoyed this month.

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i think i saw the world turn in your eyes

we are just victims of the contemporary style

snippets of internal monologue

  • please burn the flowers i got you. please burn them. burn. please
  • you know, i’ll be really pissed if he gets arrested. but also, not my business?
  • STOP YELLING AT ME THAT I’LL FIND SOMEONE I DIDN’T ASK
  • what if we cancelled…everything

be young, be dope, be proud. bye, february.

love and light,
shalom xo

monthly me | february ’17

February is done (what?) and the last two posts have been incredibly depressing (expected?) and this is about to be a recap of the month in which I managed to get the least amount of stuff done. Ever.

february was…

quick. Too quick. I sent out 19 job applications and got 19 rejections (I’m fairly certain I’m setting up some sort of rejection record here), went thrift shopping and bought a jacket that will change my life when I wear it (I’m certain), and started a workout routine that I stopped soon after. I went to a Pretoria party and will not be doing so again. No sir. No thank you kind fellows. I had a lot of pancake breakfasts at 3pm and turned my sleep schedule so far inside out that I’m on the time schedule of someone who lives in California. I live in GMT+2. I sleep in GMT-8. I need to fix that.

edit: i also had my first breakout in my life. ever. it was a LOT. it’s still ongoing and for the first time in ever, there are pimples that should be paying rent on my forehead. dammit. just when i thought i had one thing going for me.

music

i have no fave lyrics from this. i just really love this song and chance the rapper. ASHENEEDEWASUM

this guy wants you but ONLY WITH YOUR CONSENT (please play this everywhere omg)

when you’re broken on the ground, you will be found

obsessions

  • Chance the Rapper’s verse in The Way by Kehlani
  • MOOCs from EdX & Coursera – I did a bunch of these in Psychology and Sociology before going to uni & they helped me out a bunch. So here I am, once again, learning something else for free. I love the internet.
  • This post from Mich – she’s a phenomenal writer and has a blog that’s just as wonderous. “Good night, Dr. John; you are good, you are beautiful; but you are not mine.

snippets of internal monologue

  • What if Trump destroys the world and then steals taxpayers money like he always does and then travels to one of the new planets?
  • Que in French and que in spanish Spanish sound very different and very obnoxious to be spelled the same.
  • If I cut my hair — no, I won’t cut my hair. But I want to cut my — no, mom wants me to cut my hair. But if (continue for three hours.)

The rest of this month was mostly memes and botched French practice. I got into college though! Yes, that’s fairly massive. I got into Rutgers University and it’s all kinds of exciting. I mean, I hope it will be.

The first week of March is almost through. The rest of 2017 awaits.  (thank goodness.)

love & light,
shalom xo