finals szn

alternatively titled: finals szn is almost finally over
alternatively, alternatively titled: shalom is going to tank her comm final

i just gave my schedule a good reshuffling, and am now taking three on site and three online classes next semester. why? well, i’d really like to have professor stewart for comm theory but i can’t because it clashes with syntax, and if i take comm research over the summer instead it’s only two months of summer school instead of all four.

in brief, i’m avoiding studying for the final that i have in two and a half hours because i am anxious. it’s my last final and i need to get a B in it to keep my gpa where it’s at, but i also probably won’t because i won’t. that’s the way it’s going to go. probably.

i mean, i’m not opposed to it going splendidly. if it so happened that the only thing on the final was relationships then i’d be very pleased and could finaggle an A. but alas, that will not be the case, and as such my future is up in arms. i’m starting to panic about whether or not i actually want to be a linguistics student (the answer is yes, shalom, it’s yes – you can’t change your life path every time you have a dream that sends you into a panic attack) and about whether or not i can deal with three online classes (hopefully i’ll use my time wisely seeing that i’ll only have one physical class a day) BUT I SHOULDN’T BE. i should be out of bed and brushing my teeth and reviewing for my exam in an an two hours and twenty minutes.

my boyfriend is helping me move a desk and an ac unit tomorrow. i’m anxious about being the owner of an ac unit. my brain is so frazzled and i know very little about family communication. i’m also buying a bicycle soon. from what it looks like, it should be a very nice bicycle. remember when i would write for money almost consistently? i would love to be doing that again; then i could afford said bicycle. maybe i don’t need a bike. i just donated half of my clothes the other day, and i still have too much stuff.

it just dawned on me that i haven’t been taking my medication for the last couple of days. oh, brains are a funny thing. i’m off to put some wellbutrin in my body so my mind can stop running at one hundred. sorry for this mess.

love and light,
shalom xo

Sea Skies| Blogmas Day 8

Oh, Shalom, it looks like you missed day 7! You are a bad blogger! Why bother continuing?

Well, I took a day off yesterday. That’s what happened. I made cookie dough, and ate too much ice cream, and listened to my favourite CD, and burned Sandalwood incense. I’m doing a lot better today.

Today, the sky looked like the sea. At 7pm, the sky was the most magical sea blue; cloudless and glorious. A little earlier on, it was overcast and swirling with blue-grey anger. It was glorious.

I believed in magic tonight. Not Christmas magic, I don’t think, but maybe! The sky was so encapsulating, and I was just whelmed by how brilliant everything was. I think the perks of a summer Christmas include post pool pot bellies, FESTIVE CROP TOPS ( the order is really up to the individual), and seeing the fake snow in kids’ displays that I totally don’t fight to enter. Totally. I’m not a fan of the heatwave and the 38°C mornings, nor the mosquitoes that DEVOUR ME DAILY. In any case – I’m whelmed.

whelmed

I guess I’m just grateful today. Grateful to myself for having taken my meds, for my South African Christmas, for lukewarm showers and citrus hair conditioner, and for my person for having feels about me. I’m working on Christmas cards tomorrow, and I think that I’ll become a 100% stereotype and listen to a Christmas special album version next to the tree.

Good luck to everyone writing finals! I hope you make your own luck & that you trust in yourselves.

What’s your plan for tomorrow? AND DO TELL ME, ON A SCALE OF 1-10, HOW FESTIVE ARE YOU FEELING?

Love and light,
shalom x

 

 

this is what days off look like

I’m feeling very lowercase today. I’m probably going to change my theme. Again.

I’m currently writing my matric final exams (similar grading system as the IB, if that helps?) and tomorrow is one of my demons: maths. Mathematics. Why is it even a thing? As if a day could be more anxiety ridden. (Ask me again the day before maths paper 2, physics, chemistry, results day..) I feel strange, and I did when I woke up this morning, so this post is just snippets from my day of never-ending stress, in short sentences. That’s all.

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I enjoy philosophy.

And yet you are all that you have, so you must be enough. There is no other way.
Maya Hornbacher

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After tomorrow’s exam, I will have a massive blister on this finger.

You’re growing, but you’re raising yourself.

time-overwhelmed

I’m quite overwhelmed.

If you need to get over yourself, you’ll know. Get over yourself.

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I loved taking this picture.

Things are possible.

wowlovely

Things are currently not.

love and light,
shalom

Day three of NaNoWriMo and I’m already forgetting things.

I’m writing mt math final in about 36 hours, so I did another practice exam: 35 /100! Better than yesterday’s.

I don’t have many pearls of wisdom today, except for this: sleep is fantastic.

It really isn’t just for the weak! It’s really for the whole week. I tried really hard to be funny there, in case you were wondering what the heck that was.

I’ve been going to sleep by 21:30 for the last week or so, and even though I run on batteries, coffee and vegan chicken strips, I feel a lot better? Mostly because I only got told that I looked like I “crawled out of a Gotham sewer” once last week. Once, is also an improvement from three times.

Again, WHAT IS THE POINT?

I don’t really know. Maybe I’ll find out after I get some sleep. If you’re having some difficulty, I recommend this playlist. And this one.Maybe it’ll help.  Ah, 8tracks is amazing, just love it.

I think I’ll post more than 5 minutes before bed time tomorrow.

Love & Affection,

-Scoot X