october ’18 | monthly me

i can’t believe it’s november. if you had to tell me that i’d experience half the things i have from january to now back at the start of 2018, i would probably have laughed with hope. i don’t regret anything that’s happened this year. not yet. october flew by and allowed me to solidify some awesome relationships that i’ll talk about later. again, it’s so strange to look back at last october and compare it to where i’m at now. this was october!

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emily and i

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gang’s all here

woah woah woah, lots of me in these pictures this month! this month was a relatively good month for body and self image. we went out to eat a few times and spent money supporting touring bands – we saw some good music. this month has been categorized explicity by emily and her roommates who i now have the privilege of calling my friends. i have spent many a night on their couch and cried in katie’s arms and talked politics with patrick and have been welcomed by chris, and it’s been the best thing i could ask for during this period. so, this is a post for the house. a love note, of sorts.

emily: you are my best friend. ever since you described me as your second brain, i’ve been describing you that way – i never know what i’m even thinking until i have you say it back to me. you are a light in a world full of things with the purpose to dim. you are fresh air on a stale wednesday night, you are fruit snacks when i have cotton mouth, you are the shiny penny on the sidewalk. i love you so much. thank you for october.

katie: i’ve never been able to almost adult with someone with the comfort that i do with you. thank you for conversations about cars and credit cards, and everything that comes with a katie breakfast. i love you tremendously, and your friendship means so much to me. thank you for brower brunch, for big hugs, for sweaters and jackets, for inside pockets, and for a real life expression of being true.

chris: christopher patrick, i do adore you. i do adore the way your mind works, head butting and all. i love the way you think, i love the way you flip an omelet, i love the way you clean the kitchen, i love the way you love isle of dogs. i am so grateful for your presence. i am grateful for your drunk yells and expressions of joy. i am grateful for your existence, and everything is better with you.

patrick: patrick, you know stuff. as someone who also knows stuff, i want to tell you that i appreciate you. i appreciate how you see people and you see through bullshit and how open your mind is. when i think of you, i think of fat sandwiches and all the conversations we’re yet to have. i think of all the love that everyone has for you. i think of all the things we’d endure for you. i think of all the ways we’d hold you up. we’ll hold you up. what a privilege to love you.

biz (bonus!): elizabiz, thank you for every slutty brownie (because i ate a bunch) and for every slutty everything else. i have been waiting for someone like you in my life for the longest time. i have been aching for a twin soul in the most crass of ways, and holy hell do you deliver. biz, you are so smart. so brilliant, and so deserving of good things. thank you for being around.

okay that’s that we are moving on to….

music!

tell me where you’re going, and is there room for me?

my character’s strong, but my head is loose

emily and i saw them live mid october, and i almost didn’t go because i got the tickets for someone else and i couldn’t go with them anymore. they were phenomenal. one hell of a show. emily, thank you for always pushing me to go.

my internal monologue this month was mostly about loving my friends, and the love notes for them here see to reflect that enough. yeah. that’s my internal monologue: “love your friends”.

love and light,
shalom xo

 

 

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UniversiTERRIFYINGLY STRESSFUL.

Today, I come to you as more than just a regularly exhausted-by-life Shalom. I come now, as a bone tired university student that has consumed about six pancakes too many.

Happy Shrove Tuesday! In honour of pancake Tuesday, here’s a video from SoulPancake and my pal Kid President. You should watch it. It’s important. (It’ll probably make you a little smilier.) We all need a pep talk.

In any case, I started formal classes yesterday! Monday was pretty relaxed, and my only lecture was Global Literature and Film. It was awesome. Today? Eh, could have been better. I met my philosophy lecturer and the venue that it takes place in, and man oh man did a girl crave some sleep. It is so dark! And perfect for sleep! But I love philosophy and I honestly care about critical thinking and metaphysics. Honestly. I’m just such a sleepy kitten. I’m lying. Kittens can’t go to college, unfortunately. The do go to high school, though! My old school literally bred crazy cat ladies. We were an all girls’ school with strange cats roaming the grounds.What a time to be alive.

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Actual footage of Shalom in a box. #naturalstate

My Media and Society lecture is really cool, and I’m looking forward to seeing the psychology behind the way that media and society interlink. I’m not excited about the readings. My course pack is thicker than my arm. (I do not have very thin arms at all.)

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I think that real love is when the Prof says “there is no required textbook for this course”. I almost cried with joy when I found out that two out of four of my classes this semester are textbook free. PRAISE THE LORD. AMEN. (I’m not outright asking, but if anyone does want to buy my ridiculously expensive intro to law books for me…)

I am unfortunately still without job, and still waiting to hear back from UBC (scholarship offers) and McGill (ANYTHING offers). I am capital v capital tired. V TIRED.

(I just got very distracted by the internet and free vouchers and questionable fanfiction.)

(Un)surprisingly, I have made zero new friends? Maybe it’s because I slouch. It’s not that I haven’t met new people – there are almost 7000 first years this year. I just haven’t had any conversations beyond, “Where is the politics department? Thanks!” and “How to I get to the 3rd floor of Senate House?”. It’s a little bit shitty, to be honest. I’m hoping that tomorrow will be better than today. I hate falling asleep in class.

It’s also Valentines day soon. I remember, in 8th grade, when some of the larny private schools would get the day off as a holiday, and the rest of us would all be at school pretending not to care.

SO MUCH IS HAPPENING AND I ALREADY HAVE ESSAYS DUE AND ONLINE QUIZZES AND NOTES TO TYPE OUT AND OMG????? THINGS ARE STRESS???? HOW TO UNIVERSITY???

love and light,
shalom xo

Scoot on ~ reunions

There’s something about seeing people that you haven’t seen in a long time.

I generally get attacked by nostalgia when I’m least expecting it, and it gets me subtweeting and drinking copious amounts of tea and eating all of the noodles in my house. I’m not extremely fond of it, but I don’t entirely regret or hate it. Simply because reliving memories can be wonderful. It can be so lovely to remember the things that once made you smile, laugh, cry and almost run naked in the street – the usual.

Anyway, today I met with my class from my old school. I’d been in that class since 2012 until June this year when I moved schools, and not much has changed. Except the dynamics. Today there was so much love, and food and chocolate milkshakes and joking. I met up with people who had survived exams, just like me (kind of, I’ve still got two to go). I took bad selfies with good looking boys (because they’re the only kind I can pull off) and I got a Christmas present from two lovely girls-one who I’ve become extremely close to this year through failed maths tests and direct messages on instagram.

I’m so glad that I went. I took matching selfies with a girl who I kind of lost touch with – remember Jess? We kind of call ourselves “lovers rekindling an old flame”. Let it be. I also took selfies with her boyfriend who was really polite this time (thank you Seth 🙂 ) and they were quite funny.

I told jokes and we all laughed, and I had a grand time. And I thought for a moment, that maybe 2014 hasn’t been so bad. Dwelling on those thoughts made me think of the bad, though, so I stopped. I think that we’ve all come a long way, from counting down to 2014 with then-boyfriends and making promises to ourselves that the universe just didn’t let us keep. Some dangerous nights and lovely days later, we find ourselves here: five Fridays from 2015.

Here are some things that made me happy about this reunion – the first, and hopefully not last I’ve been to.

This is me and Jess. She's very beautiful and intelligent and great.

This is me and Jess. She’s very beautiful and intelligent and great.

THIS IS REBECCA SHE IS THE COOLEST AND LIVES DOWN THE ROAD FROM ME AND LENT THE ENTIRE HARRY POTTER BOXSET TO ME PLUS SHE LOVES CATS

THIS IS REBECCA SHE IS THE COOLEST AND LIVES DOWN THE ROAD FROM ME AND LENT THE ENTIRE HARRY POTTER BOXSET TO ME PLUS SHE LOVES CATS

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This is Annemieke, my maths buddy. LOVE.

This is Annemieke, my maths buddy. LOVE.

Luca = attractive. Me= hfsgj

Luca = attractive.
Me= hfsgj

This is Seth and I :)

This is Seth and I 🙂

IT WAS A STACHE BASH

IT WAS A STACHE BASH

This is it. The end. Happy and eyebrowed.

This is it. The end. Happy and eyebrowed.

I’m filming for most of tomorrow! Hopefully, by Monday, there will be moving pictures of me on YouTube. Thank you for all of your continuous love and support.

Love and affection,

Shalom x

Bulletproof (can this even be a title?)

My math exam is tomorrow, and the first bout of tears and panic has already occurred.

It’s a funny thing how things so little can affect one so much. I couldn’t drink my tea or eat my dinner – all because I went into a raving panic attack stemming from the lack of warm water at my house.

Sounds pathetic, right?

I know it does. Let me assure you that it feels even more pathetic to be the one experiencing it. It’s like a feeling of extreme stupidity and sadness in one go.

Today, though, I got lucky. I had a friend send me some beautiful help involving some visualisation and Emma Watson and beaches and Paris. I can’t really explain how it feels to have someone do their best to help you while they know that they don’t know exactly how you’re feeling. It’s so lovely, like they have complete comprehension without actually having it?

I’m feeling the feels, friends.

I’m going to do revision now, and while I may fail my math exam, I know that I’ll still have this to come back to. It ‘s just the future, bruh. In the words of my heroes:

The future is bulletproof, the aftermath is secondary. It’s time to do it now and do it loud: Killjoys, make some noise!

That’s all I’ve got today. I think.
Love & Gratitude,
Scoot X

NEW FRIENDS NEEDED – APPLICATIONS OPEN

I owe you all a proper post. After this semi rant-rant.

So I’ve been on grade eleven camp for the past  four days, and the point of this camp is for the grade to bond, because we’ll be leading the school next year and stuff. We’re supposed to get to know people who we didn’t through the randomised groups we were put into, and then we’d learn to work with each other and a thoroughly fruitful experience would be had, yeah?

Nah.

So what actually happened on camp? For me, mostly everything that should have happened. I talked to people that I had only had my own formulated opinions about, and I got proven wrong almost every time. I had a 16 1/2 year old boy run down a hill with me on his back after I had hurt my ankle, and he just kep running and asking if I was okay.This boy that I thought hated my guts. Wow, surprise right? I got a couple of those – pleasant surprises.

But I also go some other surprises.

I guess they don’t count as surprises if I really knew that it was coming in the back of my mind, but the surprise came from the extent to which it happened. Confused? Let me fill you in.

So at school I used to sit with these people.  Three girls,  three boys- one of which who used to be my boyfriend for all of 2.5 months(wow [sarcasm]) , let’s call him Remy, and one who was my best friend that we’ll call Autumn (? questionable definition). Now one of the other girls that we’ll call Hazel is dating Travis, and Autumn is dating Seth (who in turn hates my guts, and only Jesus knows why because he doesn’t even know). Also in that group, Alaska, a lovely sweet girl who never gets involved in much and lives really close to me (so I’d rather stay on her side seeing that if a bear was chasing me, her house would be nearest to mine), and Audrey, who is overly brash and loud, but is basically a part of my family. Now that you’ve been introduced, let me tell you what happened:

Basically, as heard by 9 different eye witnesses,  Seth (hates me) and Travis (apparently hates me too?) along with Hazel, bitched about me for a whole 40 minutes, and called me several things, including 1)  backstabbing bitch who was never good enough for Remy – did I mention Seth and Remy are twins? 2) crazily inferior to Imogen (who calls herself my friend) , Seth’s new girl-girl, and 3) apparently smack-talking Autumn, all the time yeah?

WELL GUESS WHO JUST GOT RE-INTRODUCED TO HERSELF? ME!

I spoke to both Imogen and Hazel, and both seemed oblivious to any of the things said. Imogen apologised for not speaking to me, and told me she’d never want to ruin our friendship-cute hey? FACT TIME: NOT JEALOUS. Hurt that Imogen didn’t even make an attempt to speak to me about something involving the two of us after a month of brewing? Yes. Well, I was.

I don’t really care much now, but if they’re reading, these people know who they are.  Also I changed all of their names because I think mine are cooler except Travis. Travis is kinda ‘eh’.

Well, I’m in the business of looking again. New friends needed. Applications open.  Application closed to deadbeats, put downers, plastics and bitches.

-Scoot xx