Guess Who’s Back

How does one start these things? Yeesh. A month is a long time to be away from blogging.

Hello, readers! If you’re returning, get comfortable – your seat has been waiting & warmed. If you’re new, the new passengers’ seating is located by clicking the ‘follow’ button on your right. (Just kidding. You’re welcome, follower or not.)

Since December 2015, a lot has changed. Welcome to 2016! Congrats on making it this far. Here’s a list of things you should have left & brought with you, courtesy of Nathan Zed – one of my top five favourite youtubers at the moment, and also the funniest. And smartest. And one with the best hairline. (I like him a lot.)

Quick recap of January:

  • Matric results (Confused? Look here and here.)
  • Finished uni applications!
  • DRAMA. Family, friend, internet – you name it. All of it.
  • Said goodbye to so many of my friends who started new adventures in Cape Town, the UK, Stellenbosch, Rhodes, Mafikeng, Pennsylvania, Any Other Place That Does Not Permit Me To Get To Them In Under Three Hours…
  • Got dreadlocks? Hopefully, one day they look like Tiffany Ima’s – style icon and ULTIMATE EVERYTHING. That’s her in the featured image.
  • Started uni in SA in the hopes developing my brain before the HOPEFUL OVERSEAS ADMISSIONS LETTERS COME
  • Bank card. Bank fees. Bank. Gross.
  • DID NOT BUY DOMAIN BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE $18.
  • Lived in filth, i.e. my bedroom & the couch in the lounge that I inhabited (and have since been chased away from).
  • The theme has changed! The About & Welcome pages will be changing, too, soon enough.

IMG-20160202-WA0021[1]

My life currently consists of cards, cords, and contact lens solution.

The heatwave and drought South Africa is experiencing right now makes just about zero things easier. I’m melting, my eyeliner is melting, my ice-cream is melting, my patience is melting…things are a little crazy up in here.

Despite it all, I’m making it. My future is still a little (read: EXTREMELY) uncertain, and I’m not sure what’ll happen in the next six months. Hopefully, it involves a scholarship or two, and a flight to a colder part of the world.

click

David and I have similar to-d0 lists. I, however, am without a single Apple device.

I’ll be posting on Tuesdays and Saturdays this year, and maybe a little more frequently when (a) important things are happening, or (b) a mosquito has bitten my finger and I need to move it. Both situations are applicable today.

Thanks for sticking with me, team internet! I know a handful of you personally, but the majority of you all think that I’m interesting enough to read what I have to say. I appreciate you all, and I hope that 2016 is a heck of a wave that we can all ride together. On separate boards. Mostly because I have no idea how to surf and wouldn’t want to drown you all.

love and light,
shalom

dftba-336327.jpg

photos from death to the stock photo here, and first covers here.

my youth is yours

what if we say goodbye to safe and sound?

It’s always a whirlwind. It’s a crazy amount of everything you’ve always wanted to feel and everything you’ve been told only “stupid teenagers” do. It’s breathing when another person does and trying to recreate the moment that the two of you stood with baited breath, words hitched on either of your tongues, thoughts running amok in both of your heads.

when the stars start exploding, we’ll be fireproof

It’s “we’ll weather this”, it’s “long distance will work because we’re different”, it’s “I can’t tell my parents about us” and “I want to do this”. It’s every fear every adult has thrown at you, and anything that can and will happen to the 21st century relationship – it’s what you won’t allow to happen to you.

cross your fingers; here we go

It’s every single BuzzFeed article about how to make things work, every single #relateable post from Tumblr that was tweeted about that you saw on Facebook. Every day is a risk, love is risk, art is risk – and you have and always will be determined to create a masterpiece.

we’ve no time for getting old, mortal body; timeless souls

It’s making a decision to never stop doing the little things, a promise to yourself that you’ll never end up like your best friend’s mom, crying over a broken marriage and a broken man. It’s an acknowledgement to yourself that despite all of your only eighteen years here, you know what’s good for you. That you know what you want, what you need; and that what you have has got to be the best of both.

a truth so loud you can’t ignore

It’s the moment you realise that this is not forever, but it is all you have. That you’re more than warnings and false starts, that “you are what you love and not who loves you”. It’s the moment that you surrender to yourself – your young, idealistic, opportunistic self. It’s all you. It’s all youth.

a truth so loud you can’t ignore
my youth, my youth, my youth
my youth is yours


happy tunesday! this piece of writing was based on troye sivan’s “youth”, for which the lyric video was released yesterday. blue neighbourhood is available for preorder here, and several tracks become available upon preorder, including “youth” and “talk me down“. i’m a big, big fangirl. sue me.

love and light,
shalom

 

 

Lucky

Some disclaimers:

1. I am female.

2. I write from whatever perspective I want.

3. I am not actually a boy named Adam.


 

I’m very lucky. Her name is Jenifer and she uses strawberry scented shampoo.

I like to go on walks with her – she likes to walk. I usually hate being alone but I love being alone with her. I don’t know if that makes any sense – I tend to lose most of my sense when I’m with her. She’s like a drug, I guess. I feel like I’m on every drug in the solar system when I’m just standing next to her, and holding her hand usually sends me into a neighbouring universe. Heaven knows that she’s not out of this world, but she must be something special.

We’re both so ordinary, actually. I don’t know why. We both tried to be different at one stage; she got a piercing and I stopped wearing a belt on my jeans. It didn’t work, for me at least. She still has her piercing. It’s beautiful, like every other part of her. The whole of her is so, so beautiful.

They say that you don’t forget your first kiss. I think that’s a lie. I forgot mine. I think it was in a movie cinema and horrible. I do remember kissing her, though. She was holding my hand and I thought I was going to fly away. I liked her, and she liked me, and we both knew. We were sat on a carpet in her living room, and I couldn’t think clearly. It made sense. She was in front of me. Jenifer. What else was there to think of?

Between the skin on her hands and wrists and the voice that she had, I don’t know which was smoother. She looked at me very closely, and I thought I’d screwed up, but instead, she laughed. She laughed her beautiful Jenifer laugh, and tried to cover her face with the hand that was intertwined with mine. “I like you, Adam.” I forgot how to speak, as expected. She laughed more and I replied, “I know,”.

And then, it was like everything that I thought was good and right in the world was in front of me. I was taken by the smell of strawberries that wafted towards me, and the feel of her hair between my fingers. She laughed, and kissed me. By the time her lips touched mine, and I felt the muscles in her face work towards a small nervous smile, I was so far gone into a world where only her and I existed. Adam and Jenifer world. Full of kisses and strawberry shampoo and hand holding. I smiled, at a loss for words, and she giggled, and we both laughed more than we had in weeks. We lay on the carpet, close to the TV. There, with her head on my chest and my hand running through her hair, I asked myself why I was in the situation I was in, where she had come from, how she was so beautiful. I couldn’t answer myself. I figured I was lucky.

As my mom came around to pick me up, she skipped beside me as I walked to the car.

“I know, ” she whispered, as she kissed me on the cheek. I didn’t know how it could have happened. I didn’t get it. I couldn’t make sense of it. Then again, it may have just been a Jenifer effect.

“I like you, Jenifer,” I said. Then, I got into the car while she greeted my mom.

Honey just put your sweet lips on my lips,

We should just kiss like real people do.

                                                 -Hozier


Love and light,
Shalom X

Choose- A piece about an angsty teenager and luuurve

Hello friends! So while I figured out why I was feeling all sap saps this week, I started my channel! Also, I wanted to write some angst about how I don’t have a Jackson Harries to fly halfway across the world to see me. Watch that video here, it’s great. In any case, here is the angst romance shmance pants!


 

I miss you.

I miss the stupid way I used to feel when we went out, the way it seemed like I was on drugs a little bit whenever I was with you. The way you used to – do you still? – bite on the corner of your top lip when you concentrate too hard. The way you used to know so little about so much.

I remember the way one day played out: when we walked for a long time, and I got tired, so we stopped. You sat and I sat after you and we made shapes with the clouds. You asked I was okay and I asked if you were happy, and you said, ‘yes, kind of’ and I said ‘yes’. I remember you leaning on my shoulder and asking why I was so tired and I told you that I was having a regular day. I told you that I was confused about choices and that I hated losing and that the world is a big place.

You asked what my choices were and I said, ‘a couple here and there’, and you asked what I wanted you to say. I didn’t know. I was quiet and then you were quiet and then we held hands. I keep drawing hands because I miss holding yours.

I remember you looking at me and touching my nose, watching my face scrunch up and the tension in my body disappear. I remember when you turned and propped me up onto my knees while you were on yours and you held me tightly. I remember you squeezing tight and asking if I was crying. I was crying.

You held my one hand, with the other still around my back. You looked at me, and said, ‘I choose you. I’ll always choose you,’.

It’s December, darling. You didn’t. I miss you.

Qui dit que tu m’amais? // Who said you loved me?

 


THUS ENDETH THE ANGST! I’m feeling a lot less teenagey-hormoney now, so I’ll probably be back to my usual crap talking…whenever I …ah, I can’t even keep my train of thought from being derailed.

Soonest,

Scoot X

The Truth About Love

Okay, in brief, here’s where I’ve been over the past 2 (?) months:

Me: *tries to get grades up* ufffffffffff

Me: *tries even harder* ufffffffffffffff

Me: *STILL CAN’T DO THE THINGS*

me: *cries softly*

Me: *CRIES LOUDLY*


Exams start in two days, and I’m really stressed out, but not more than usual. After attempting a practice test for my maths exam that I (a) felt good about and (b) PREPARED FOR, I managed to score a grand 12 per cent. Not even a little bitof an exageration: 12/100. Wonderful.

I’ve spend the last week living at my darling Mouse’s house (her name is Caitlin, and she is by no means a rodent), waking up and getting ready in 12 minutes, eating breakfast and petting three cats at a time. In addition to the fantastic all vegetarian food I was provided with, there were also those teenage girl darkness talks. About all the things. Just to clarify: niether of us was naked, no pillows ripped apart during the glorious pillow fight, and all action was PG-12L. Sorry.

On my last day there, after countless conversations about girls and boys and cute butts and fish and Teen Wolf, we spoke about love. And London. We matched up all of our friends with cities where they could possibly potentially find the love thing (Italy, Cape Town,Amsterdam, ANYWHERE) and then we spoke about ourselves.

Now, call me selfish, but everything that comes out of this girl’s mouth is GOLD (okay, maybe not everything) so I was listening intently. A part of the conversation went like this:

Me: I’m going to Indiana. But should I be? *teen girl insecurity things ugh*

Mouse: *deep in thought, nodding*

Mouse: Mmmm.

Me: I think I need to go to Europe.

Mouse:Yes.

Me: Where would  I begin? Will I even be happy? *strange noises* What if everyone hates me?

Mouse: London. Definitely London, to start. And then you can work your way around to (place I can’t remember) and (place I can’t remember) and Liverpool.

Both: LIVERPOOL.

Mouse: I feel like you’ll go to London and meet a boy, maybe, who will think you’re the most interesting creature he’s ever come across. And he’ll be the one you wrote in the book. (I wrote an imginary boy. That’s all.) It takes a specific person to love you, Scoot. And I think you’ll find that person there.


WHAT IS THE POINT?

1) I had a great time.

2) The truth about love is that it takes a specific person to love you. And sometimes, you’ll need to go somewhere to find that person. I think you’ll find that person there. Even if that person is yourself.

This has been the most clichéd blog post I have ever written, I think. But I’m trying to do this NaNoWriMo thing and write despite exams, and be open and real and I’m feeling VERY TEENAGE GIRLISH AND I’M BEING OKAY WITH IT, OKAY?

That’s all I’ve got. Thanks to Matt Black for reminding me about NaNoWriMo, even though I’m twenty-four and a bit hours late. Day one and two, all smushed into 300 words of teen girling.

All my love,

-Shalom X

Scoot on ~ this jealousy, man.

I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about why I feel the way I do, and how ridiculous some of the reasons are.Today, a friend of mine finally asked out a girl. They were both really happy, and everyone who was nearby was also really happy, and I was really happy for them both, and I stayed behind with her so she could fawn over teenage girl things with me, and it was lovely. I was really glad to know that she was glad.

Problem? No problem!

Except this conclusion that I’ve come to: I’m jealous of everything.

You have a cat? I’m jealous.

You get a good math grade? I’m jealous.

You find a good study system? Still jealous.

You in love with a boy? Very jealous.

It is said that jealousy is the human condition, and more so that of the teenager.

“If you swim effortlessly in the deep oceans, ride the waves to and from the shore, if you can breathe under water and dine on the deep treasures of the seas; mark my words, those who dwell on the rocks carrying nets will try to reel you into their catch. The last thing they want is for you to thrive in your habitat because they stand in their atmosphere where they beg and gasp for some air.”

Am I trying to sabotage everyone with a cute cat and a brilliant math grade? No. Am I trying to kill/injure/ruin/negatively influence the boy you’re in love with? No. I suppose it’s more of a longing than jealousy, because heaven knows I’M LONGING FOR A GOOD STUDY SYSTEM.

I don’t know, I’m trying to stay felony free and not do anything illegal because of longing. Am I Miss-Steal-Your-Boy? Maybe. (NO I’M NOT)

Remain sane,

-Scoot xx


ALMOST A YEAR. HELP.

YES I’M DOING THIS POST ANYWAY

I know you’ve already seen all the damn posts that you’re going to see, but you haven’t. I’m screaming at my computer as I type this because I have a whole lot of emotions right now and most of them will result in punching things and people, and I’d rather not.

So today is Friday, and many things happen on Fridays. On Fridays I go to school, usually super early to get to the dance practice at school for the Matric Dance Committee (people who org anise the prom) and then I go to class, and eat tonnes in class, and stay confused 998% of the time in math, and then I go to English Olympiad Tutorials and then walk to the taxi rank or bus stop and take public transport home.

And today DID NOT HAVE TO BE DIFFERENT.

But it was. And I’m sure that by now, wherever you are, you’ve already seen plenty of the beautifully written Valentines Day posts featured on Freshly Pressed or some or other spot for terrific writing. Let me assure you now that this is NOT one of those places, and also that I’m writing currently without thinking to all of the one person who viewed my ramblings over the past 72 hours. No matter, there are things that need to be said, or more accurately, typed, and if I do it any faster I’m probably going to have crippled fingers through tonight’s school dance, to which I’m going because I am a member of the organizing committee, *cringe* or have a few spelling errors *DOUBLEMEGATRIPLEFIVETIMES CRINGE*. On with the nonsense:

  1. I DON’T HATE ROMANCE. I think it’s important to get this out there, because today, anyone who doesn’t really appreciate the over-commercialization of a day created by the Italian Pope Gelasius the first. He proposed to make Saint Valentine the patron of the new celebration he created to replace the Festival of Lupercalia which was held annually, and if people out there still think I’m an “Arrogant love hating little b**ch who can’t find a boyfriend in time and just hates everyone who is happy”,  they could learn to research, and that’d be great.
  2. I’m actually quite a sucker for this love thing. I’m a softie, extremely warm-hearted, and I genuinely love people. It’s my nature, and it won’t change – it cannot. I handed out people anonymous/ secret admirer roses, and some of the messages were  ” I wish you knew how much I loved you” and it was lovely. It’s all fine and dandy to be in love, and to be happy, but to be dead honest, I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THIS ROMANCE THING IS ABOUT. And maybe I’ll find out one day, but it’s not today or tomorrow, so if people would get the hell off of my case about that, that’d be great.
  3. You know what else would be great? IF PEOPLE STOPPED TELLING ME THIS “you could have had a valentine…” STORY. I BLOODY HATE IT. I’m not defined by whoever gets me a rose on a Friday morning, okay? I used to have a boyfriend. Now I don’t. Problem? I THINK NOT.

So to everyone who’s calling me and everyone who feels like this “haters”, do me a solid and don’t be around me for the next couple of hours or I’ll probably bash your face in 🙂

Happy Friday, internet users. And may the odds of finding the ring be ever in the big bang of games that is your favour.

Scoot xx

Looking back and pressing forward. ♥

Well, how was your 2013? Happy New Year!!

Yes, yes: “Oh my word Scoot, you’re so cliché, making this new years post, my gosh it’s so cheesy”

WELL ACTUALLY I DON’T CARE

Truth be told, I am a thorough cheese indulger and those people do cheesy things. Well, lucky for you, I didn’t make a flipagram. I did however, make a year in review gallery 😀 So enjoy!

*none of these photos are mine and I take no credit for anything please don’t arrest me*

2014 Be You brains courage ghandi goodbye infinitesmiles keep lorax purposelosetogain lovesuess loveyoumorningpretty neveralone youfollow

Caneletter Sans fontCaneletter Sans fontCaneletter Sans font

All my love,

-Scoot xxx

I KNOW WHO YOU ARE

So that’s different. I know who you are. Lies, I really don’t. But I know somethings that I know about you. So today, there’s no Scoot On, there’s just Scoot. And also the fact that I have a couple things to say, again.

So first off I wanted to let you all know that there is a male I have a fondness towards, and he’s lovely. And I have this super huge urge to gush and just tell how lovely and wonderful he is and how he makes me all butterflies (well he doesn’t make butterflies for me but he gives me butterflies-oh you get the point) and all of the sort, but he’s probably gonna be one of you who reads this. Cue the embarrassment.

Secondly, I wanted to tell you that I genuinely appreciate you. If you’re reading this, I do. I’ve been on this blog for about 2 and a half weeks and the response I’ve gotten has been tremendous. I mean, it’s not like I have 80 new followers every time I come on here, but I do have 10 of them. 10 whom I love dearly and 10 who I wish I could bake cookies for. I make quite crappy cookies though, so I guess most of you guys would have to settle for hugs. Sorry.

Third, I really love the internet. I guess I’ve always been a loud person but the internet is amazing. I’ve never had such a space to just share free thinking and share general musings. I guess I thought that just being me was saying enough-which it is, but you know those things that just make you cringe, or grin uncontrollably? The internet is where I found those things, and the internet is where I talk about those things. So thanks, internet. And to all the strange and beautiful and lovely people who make it happen.

Four: The Great Gatsby is brilliant. I read it and I sure as hell wanted to go and find F. Scott Fitzgerald himself and kiss him. Slight problem seeing that he’s been dead since 1940. That book though, its just ah no words amazing brilliance gaaah. (That is how NOT to phrase a sentence, by the way.)

THE GREAT GATSBY QUOTES SPAM

  • “I wasn’t actually in love, but I felt a sort of tender curiosity.” 
  • “Well, there I was, way off my ambitions, getting deeper in love every minute, and all of a sudden I didn’t care.”
  • “I fell in love with her courage, her sincerity, and her flaming self respect. And it’s these things I’d believe in, even if the whole world indulged in wild suspicions that she wasn’t all she should be. I love her and it is the beginning of everything.”

 

I love each and every one of you people as if you were my Siamese twin. That’s a lot of love, I’ll have you know. I love you people, and I thank you for being alive. Keep reading, and keep telling people to read 😀 but only if you want to, of course 

All my love all the time

-Scoot xx

Scoot on ~ stuff I don’t know what to title

My name is Scoot – wait…wait, I’ve done this before.

Anyway, hi everybody! I know, I know, I said new posts every day but woah :O School just got a lot more hectic and I don’t even know how. It’s like someone’s standing behind the school, and has got this huge hectic-o-meter, and they just turned it up to something crazy like 11 when the scale only goes up to 5.

Anyway, I’ve been out and about going on camps, being pranked involving hyenas, eating bag after bag of chips, becoming lacto-vegetarian  😀 PROUD 😀 and also staying alive, which is relatively important at this point. 🙂

I guess with all my days away I’ve had a chance to think about something absolutely mind boggling…but I changed my mind. I guess what my dear shortest friend said to me today means much more: “Isn’t it scary how most of your life is based on things you do as a teenager?”

That got me good. I mean, you’re a crazy sixteen year old who wants to do nothing but have a beautiful face and a boyfriend/girlfriend and be accepted and taste alcohol…and that’s your future, bro. Why on earth would the universe ever let some crazy hormonal-ass teenager make life decisions? Like, is this some sort of a sick joke? It’s craziness, I wont lie. And today, I don’t have a list for you on how to make the best decisions when you’re a teenager, or how to live a fuul life, or how to be absolutely fantastic and amazing…but I do know that we can do anything.

We, as in you and I. I can. You can. YOU CAN! I probably don’t know who you are, or what you’re going through, or why, or if your favourite goldfish got stolen, or if your pasta sauce won’t thicken, or if you’re feeling suicidal and want to die more than anything, I don’t know. I do know that I’ve been through a hell of a lot. And I’m here. There are so so so many times when I think about all the times I tried to picture how better the world would be without me, but I’m here. I’m here, and I’m a blogger, and I’m alive. I’m alive.

I don’t know if that’s a big deal for you guys, but it is for me. Really, it is. It’s a big deal to be able to look someone dead in the face and say, “You are a lovely person and I would love to keep talking to you”. It’s a big deal for me. I think that we all have time to do that, to make someone better–we just need to find it.

So that’s all I have on my mind for today, and also that I think you’re beautiful. Everyday, I think you are beautiful. And whoever has the pleasure of ever speaking to you is a better person because they did. 

My interview for Junior City Council is tomorrow, and I hope you all have fingers crossed for me 🙂

Gun to my head honest, I love you all. I mean, thank you. For being.

All my love all the time

-Scoot xx