october ’18 | monthly me

i can’t believe it’s november. if you had to tell me that i’d experience half the things i have from january to now back at the start of 2018, i would probably have laughed with hope. i don’t regret anything that’s happened this year. not yet. october flew by and allowed me to solidify some awesome relationships that i’ll talk about later. again, it’s so strange to look back at last october and compare it to where i’m at now. this was october!

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emily and i

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gang’s all here

woah woah woah, lots of me in these pictures this month! this month was a relatively good month for body and self image. we went out to eat a few times and spent money supporting touring bands – we saw some good music. this month has been categorized explicity by emily and her roommates who i now have the privilege of calling my friends. i have spent many a night on their couch and cried in katie’s arms and talked politics with patrick and have been welcomed by chris, and it’s been the best thing i could ask for during this period. so, this is a post for the house. a love note, of sorts.

emily: you are my best friend. ever since you described me as your second brain, i’ve been describing you that way – i never know what i’m even thinking until i have you say it back to me. you are a light in a world full of things with the purpose to dim. you are fresh air on a stale wednesday night, you are fruit snacks when i have cotton mouth, you are the shiny penny on the sidewalk. i love you so much. thank you for october.

katie: i’ve never been able to almost adult with someone with the comfort that i do with you. thank you for conversations about cars and credit cards, and everything that comes with a katie breakfast. i love you tremendously, and your friendship means so much to me. thank you for brower brunch, for big hugs, for sweaters and jackets, for inside pockets, and for a real life expression of being true.

chris: christopher patrick, i do adore you. i do adore the way your mind works, head butting and all. i love the way you think, i love the way you flip an omelet, i love the way you clean the kitchen, i love the way you love isle of dogs. i am so grateful for your presence. i am grateful for your drunk yells and expressions of joy. i am grateful for your existence, and everything is better with you.

patrick: patrick, you know stuff. as someone who also knows stuff, i want to tell you that i appreciate you. i appreciate how you see people and you see through bullshit and how open your mind is. when i think of you, i think of fat sandwiches and all the conversations we’re yet to have. i think of all the love that everyone has for you. i think of all the things we’d endure for you. i think of all the ways we’d hold you up. we’ll hold you up. what a privilege to love you.

biz (bonus!): elizabiz, thank you for every slutty brownie (because i ate a bunch) and for every slutty everything else. i have been waiting for someone like you in my life for the longest time. i have been aching for a twin soul in the most crass of ways, and holy hell do you deliver. biz, you are so smart. so brilliant, and so deserving of good things. thank you for being around.

okay that’s that we are moving on to….

music!

tell me where you’re going, and is there room for me?

my character’s strong, but my head is loose

emily and i saw them live mid october, and i almost didn’t go because i got the tickets for someone else and i couldn’t go with them anymore. they were phenomenal. one hell of a show. emily, thank you for always pushing me to go.

my internal monologue this month was mostly about loving my friends, and the love notes for them here see to reflect that enough. yeah. that’s my internal monologue: “love your friends”.

love and light,
shalom xo

 

 

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monthly me | october ’17

and is it worth the risk
just to crash your car for the sound of it?

hannah, coin

Bottomless void and friends, it’s the end! Of October, I mean. October is over. What happened this month? This is a fun one to write because I spent most of this month manic and/or dissociating. Still, I made it to the end of it and so did you, and we’re all here so we may as well experience this experiment in oversharing and overdocumenting together.

from the camera roll

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october

If you’ve read any of the all two (wow Shalom calls herself a writer but never writes Obisie-Orlu) posts I got up in the last month, you’ll know that I am currently coming down from the longest manic episode of my life. It’s been a lot of stress and confusion and dissociating, but it’s been okay because I survived it. Someday, I’ll write about the shit, but first I must survive it. I survived October!

Class is happening and university is happening, again. I’ve settled in okay, and I have some really good people in my corner in terms of where I live. Demarest Hall (shoutout Junot Diaz – he lived there) is full of freaks and geeks and a couple of gross frat bros, but its mostly just people who were lucky enough to meet their people there. It’s been nice living in a space that’s just art. I don’t know if that makes sense, but that’s what I have to say about Demarest.

I managed to write some good poetry this month, and got a couple of articles in re freelance because I’m a writer. My anxiety is a big mess and I haven’t collected my last paycheck from my old job (you know the one that I was excited about and then got fired from? That’s the one.) even though I could very much use the $100.

My letters from Dora arrived and I spent an afternoon reading them and sobbing (see last camera roll photo) because I have so much love for that woman. Wow. Actually, here’s something:

dora

  • What an encourager, what a woman.
  • WISE. My owl friend.
  • God, I am so privileged to call her friend.
  • Such a knack for photographing and reviewing good spots? I wish I was good at that? I am so glad that she is?!
  • Truly a lover and a fighter. Kindred spirits, me and Dora. Goodness me, do I love her.

What else have I got for this month? I got terribly ill. I’m on the mend but I was so sick it was a problem. I’ve been having a bit of more of an identity crisis than usual but mostly because of my accent. You know the voice in your head? The one that sounds like you. In my head, I sound somewhat English. Not entirely, but somewhat. When I’m with my mom and siblings, I have a mix of that accent, an American accent my entire family has, and then some of my parents’ Nigerian accent as a mixer for the whole thing. While I’ve been here without my siblings, I’ve just sounded very English, and I fear that I’m a fraud for it. I know I’m not, because it’s not a conscious choice really – I’m just trying to hold onto a bit of myself while here. Has this little bit of a waffle made any sense? We’ll never know.

tunez

I went to shows this month! The big one was the LANY concert in New York which was stupendifyingly good, but I also went to a basement show that introduced me to probably my favourite band at the moment. Anyway here are the tunez okay good on with it!

shoobies

i’m an antisocial socialite; your mother says “you’re so polite” – it’s disgusting

Easy new fave. Easy. I saw them at a basement show in New Brunswick in mid-October and while they put on a really good show (even without their guitarist) I was more shook by the lyrics? Apart from the fact that they did the thing where lyrics carry meaning if you listen twice but the music accompanying it is so good you can enjoy it in passing, the lyrics are so clever and I am so impressed? It may be because I noticed my writing style in they lyrics, or because “skinny lovin’, what’s your style?” made me want to make stuff, but Shoobies lyrics are 9/10.

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site: shoobiesnj.com
instagram: @shoobiesnj

they say we’re going to hell, let’s find a cheap motel and stay a couple nights

we’ll connect eventually if you stay you and i change me

and if i play this every morning and time my stepping out of the door with the guitar? none of you will have anything to say about it.

snippets of internal monologue

  • Look, if you’re actually crazy on paper then can you just say yes? Are you mad?Clinically, Janet, yes.
  • For Halloween I am…what is this? Corset girl?
  • Shut your mouth Shalom “my-eyebrows-are-eyeshadow” Obisie-Orlu. You just stop.
  • Uh, if I get approached by the police, I’ll just tell them I’m dead. Sorry! Can’t arrest a dead gal! Happy Halloween!

until the next, dear friends.

love and light,
shalom xo