MISTER RACIST JOKES BRITISH MAN.

Hello gang. I went on the completely rad ridiculously fun filled trip of a lifetime to Lisbon in the middle of November, and had the pleasure of meeting some amazing people. I feel so lucky to say that I have a friend from Maine who ate ice cream at sunset with me, that I have a friend from Calgary who is my favourite person to teach dance moves, and that I have a friend from Miami who may or may not be secretly (definitely not) engaged to another friend from Ireland. (We’ll see how that goes.)

I also, as such, have the joy to provide you with a story of one of the not-amazing people I met on this trip. I don’t know if you can tell by the title, but he’s Mr. Racist Jokes British Man (Who BROKE MY GLASSES)™. Buckle up, buttercup: we’re about to go on a ride down pink streets and several alcohols and toasted sandwiches and shitty people. It’s storytime.

My friends, cast your mind’s eye to the 21st of November: a regular day in a hostel in the Lisbon city centre. I eat breakfast, I walk around the city centre. I fall in love with Portugal some more, while listening to WALKTHEMOON’sPortugal‘ on repeat. I return to the hostel, sign up for communal dinner by Mamma, and meet two brilliant human girls from Massachusetts. They inform me of a party. Word about the party travels down the table, and after a quick session of getting dressed and drinking green wine in the street, at least a third of the hostel is headed to Brazil. It was a Brazilian themed party. We didn’t walk to Brazil.

Brazil is mad, and there is much drinking and dancing. After a while, we leave, and the group I am with separates from the group with the Massachusetts babes. We try to find another party, come across a dodgy girl who asks us to wait for her on a street corner while she fetches her friend (we don’t) and sing along with a group of people and a seemingly homeless man playing ukulele. I yell, “what is happening?” a lot. (That’s not new.)

We return back to the hostel for more dancing, drinking, and toasted cheese sandwiches with lifesaving capabilities. Mr. Racist Jokes British Man (Who BROKE MY GLASSES)™ has been with us the whole night. He’s fine. Cool enough guy. Talks a lot about very random things and becomes less likeable by the longer he keeps his mouth open, but he’s alright.

At this point, the way that the conversations (there are about 96 happening) got to where they are is beyond my comprehension. In the conversation I am currently in, we are talking about boobs and birth control. I don’t know how or why. I, being well-enough versed in both boobs and birth control, am contributing to the conversation. Mr. Racist Jokes British Man (Who BROKE MY GLASSES)™, who is not very well versed at all in either, chooses this time to enter the conversation. He turns from the bar and says to me, “You’re not on birth control, are you? No, you don’t take that, no”. He is laughing, and I laugh because I am confused. I say, “How would you know?” and he says, “Oh, that was a racist joke! Because you’re black!”

Y’all.

I can do a lot when I’m drunk. I can do the splits, I can do six shots (with deep regret in the future), I can demonstrate my life saving hair-holding skills – I can do lots. I can’t be calm. Nope. Calm? Far friend. Second cousin thrice removed. Calm?

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I sat down, alone, and for four minutes went OFF. In a very drunk fashion, I mumbled to my cheese sandwich about how I wanted to tear this human man’s limbs apart. I didn’t tear him apart. I got angry and then drank some wine. So. Here’s my anger.

WHAT THE FULL FRESH EVER LOVING FUCK. Mr. Racist Jokes British Man (Who BROKE MY GLASSES)™, what the hell are  you on? You understand that a racist joke is racist, right? That it’s not a joke and that you’re a racist asshole? Why did you open you mouth and have your entire adult brain create that sentence and then expel it like it was okay? Are you jas? Are we going to talk about how (a) you stink of pigheaded white colonialism mentality, and (b) you know fuckall about black women? I don’t know if you know, but you know nothing about black women. You’re also not a black woman. Actually, the fuck do you know about boobs or birth control? Ugh. Male birth control is necessary. Please. It makes sense to take the bullets out of the gun instead of putting on a bulletproof vest. You’re also the same human man who thought that saying, “Yeah in high school they painted my face black because I was playing the black guy from Fiji”. You???? You are the STRAIGHT UP WHITEST BRITISH PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET AND YOU SAW THE ONE BLACK GIRL IN YOUR COMPANY AND DECIDED THAT THAT’S THE WAY YOU SHOULD TAKE THE CONVERSATION? Wow. Wow. What a wow. You are a whole wow.

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This foolish ass man also broke my glasses. Grown human man breaks glasses of human woman, laughs and continues his attempt at macking on her. It reads like an Onion title. A lot of my life reads like an Onion title.

Anyway, I thought of all these things because I’m wearing the same dress I was wearing then tonight. And, because I miss Lisbon.

I’m doing Christmas baking with a pal in twelve hour. I hope I never see Mr. Racist Jokes British Man (Who BROKE MY GLASSES)™ again. I got v annoyed looking at him for the last couple of days he was at the hostel.. I’m also really tired, and really glad I got this off of my chest.

Happy time of day to everyone except Mr. Racist Jokes British Man (Who BROKE MY GLASSES)™. My petty ass is being petty. The end.

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love and light,
shalom x

(all gifs from giphy.com xo)

RACE RELATIONS! REDRESS AND REFORM! RACISM! (and other scary r-words)

This post has been cross-posted from my Facebook. I think it’s important to talk about.

on what’s been happening recently (and really, for almost ever):

there are many questions that i’ve been asked over the past couple of weeks concerning various issues, including student protests, why black history month is okay but white history isn’t (same with black anything vs white anything), why i’m so racist, why i don’t encourage black people to “be colourblind” or “stop living in the past” why i’m “such a damn elitist” (?) etc. i’ve been thinking about this all a lot, so i’m going to address them now. please, feel free to leave respectful comments if you want to have a discussion. this is a long post broken into three sections. you can read them all, or read one, but i’d appreciate if you read them all.

on colourblindness:

guys. GUYS. you can’t tell me it has nothing to with race if race is the reason we’re here. come on. you can tell me that you want to be able to move past the injustices of the past, but not without being willing to work through them or acknowledge them. pro-tip: if someone tells you that you’re racist, the correct response isn’t “what! how could you! i have black friends! my sister goes to saint teresa’s with black girls! what does this have to do with race! this is reverse racism!”. if someone calls you out, listen. “okay, i’m listening. tell me what i said that was wrong, and what you think i should have said instead. i apologise for offending you.” colourblindness is avoiding the issue, and it’s going to keep making thing more difficult if we do. the fact of the matter is that race relations all over the world are tense. saying that “we are all human” or “i’m only black and you’re only white because we are divided, come together ‪#‎onelove‬” is not going to help.

on living in the past:

this probably annoys me the most, but i’m being civil here, so here’s an explanation of why. in 1994, a miracle happened. black people voted. mandela was made president. apartheid was over. magic. so, in essence, everyone went and lived happy lives and were equal, and south africa was perfect. hooray. no pals. the people who were living in impoverished informal settlements (thanks to apartheid which we’re supposed to magically forget now that it’s over) went back to their settlements after voting. 1994 did not bring running water to them. the people that were earning next to nothing – i’m talking domestic workers, gardeners etc (99.9% of them people of colour) – went back to their jobs after voting. the black parents who had no education, and as such, uneducated children (thanks to apartheid) continued being poor and uneducated after apartheid ended. you see where i’m going with this? the effects of apartheid are still extremely prevalent in today’s society. to think that mass injustice would be repaired after 20 years of faux forgiveness, that is, before even addressing the situation that apartheid left in its wake, is foolish. injustice and privilege is a cycle. those who experienced injustice then had children that experience it now; and those who were privileged then continue to have the privilege of remaining as such. “okay, shalom, but what about quotas, BEE, and the fact that a black kid with two distinctions got into engineering instead of me, a white kid with six?” okay. this black kid got in and you didn’t, and you believe it’s because you performed better academically, and that it’s unfair, and that they got in on the grounds of race rather than merit. two things, mate: (1) someone who cannot do engineering, or doesn’t meet the requirements will not be admitted. i wouldn’t get into engineering. i promise. they got in because they are capable. (2) it’s safe to say that universities are striving for diversity, for their campuses to look more like the country does. could it be that there are other criteria that get looked at? (there are.) perhaps, whether the other person’s parent’s had an education at all (thanks apartheid), or whether they have performed extraordinarily despite their living situation, the standard of the school they went to, and just how they managed to qualify for engineering? don’t worry: they look at the same for you. it’s an issue of redress, friend, and it has to happen. i’m not sure if i can explain this better, but i can direct you to the admissions counsellor that provided me with this information. you best believe i did my research.

on black history month,black girl magic, for black girls only, black lives matter etc:

“shalom! this is racist! how can you exclude white people from all of these events! we need a white version!” okay. i get your confusion. i feel like you don’t understand why these things exist. black history month isn’t to say that white history is unimportant. the concept of black girl magic doesn’t have anything to do with saying that white girls aren’t magic. same goes for things like BET. black history month is important simply because black people have been erased. black girl magic is important because black girls have been taught to hate their blackness. look at this for further details: (http://blackgirllonghair.com/…/meet-the-model-whose-lips-c…/). a black model had racist comments flung at her because as the face (lips?) of a new lipstick of the cosmetics company, her lips didn’t match up to the perceived standard of beauty. they’re “too thick, too dark, take up half of her face, are ugly negro slave lips” – i follow mac on instagram. i saw this happen. i felt ashamed. i felt as though being black, having bigger lips than the white girl next to me (hi simone) made me ugly, inferior, and ultimately not worthy of being called beautiful. that’s why‪#‎blackgirlmagic‬ is a thing. to tell young women of colour to appreciate and love themselves, in spite of the projected white standard of beauty that almost 80% of the population will never match up to. black lives matter is an important movement. all lives matter is not a thing. this is why: all races are not being killed brutally by police officers for no reason. all races are not arrested on the grounds of walking while black (this actually happened). all races are not strangled by police officers after screaming “i can’t breathe” eleven times. all lives will matter when black lives matter. dylan roof (killed members of a church in charleston, south carolina last year) was taken into custody. tamir rice was 12 and was shot for no reason (none given by police) and the two white police officers that killed him were not charged. all lives will matter when black lives matter.

these are my thoughts. as i said, i’m willing to have civil discussion in the comments. if i’ve said something problematic in this post, let me know. i’m learning and unlearning the same as you are. thanks for reading this if you got this far. stay woke.

love and light,
shalom

INTRODUCING JESS

So I talk about her a lot, and she’s my super lovely super pale veggie twin, and I love her. So without further ado, the first of many guest blogs by the one, the only, Jessica Rachel Craven! *cue applause audience goes wild and starts eating tonnes of food because they are already so entertained ;)*  I love Jess, and she makes some valid points sometimes – okay, most times- and if they don’t leave you with a hunger for more of her work, it sure will leave you thinking. So be sure to take a look at her blog and give me your thumbs -_- no not really, drop a like or a comment and check her out 😀

http://nerdlymusings.wordpress.com

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*ahem* Is this thing on? Yes? Oh.
As you may or may not have been able to tell, I feel mildly out of place in this environment. ScootOn is to my blog what New York City is to some dinky little Southern town. My cover reason for being here today is to throw in a new voice to Scoot’s lovely blog. Of course, my genuine intention is to  get more people to read my writing… but no one heard that! Right, on with the show…
It fills me with disgust that we live in a world where discrimination exists. You may now be rolling your eyes at this worn out, done-to-death topic, but hear me out. I want to share with you a story shared by Scoot and I. It’s a story of how, many years after the abolition of apartheid, numerous feminist movements, slavery and many other battles for freedom, discrimination is still plaguing the so-called ‘born frees’. I find it fascinating that I can effortlessly find examples of every single prominent form of discrimination every day in my own life. I honestly believe that discrimination is far from dead. Instead, society wants to cover it up. Instead of completely eradicating discrimination, we are covering it in a facade of togetherness. We thought that it was all gone, but when we realised it remained, we chose to ignore the cancer rather than go to the effort of exposing and killing it.
I consider Scoot to be one of my best friends. We’re just two teenage girls who share some opinions and some adventures. Now, there is what I thought would be the irrelevant issue of skin pigmentation. So, I am a few shades lighter. Who gives a flying fuck? Well, apparently, far too many people. I know for a fact that there are many people in our school who would not associate with Scoot because her closest friends are white. That’s right. There are people in OUR SCHOOL who think that race mixing is wrong.
Another awful example of how racism is far from gone is the opinions of a girl I used to be friends with. She once told me that she failed to comprehend how I could be attracted to guys who were not white. She told me that if I chose to marry a black man, she would refuse to come to my wedding. Her justification? She claimed she could not change those thoughts because she was raised that way. If that’s not a prime example of spinelessness and straight out refusal to accept diversity, I don’t know what is.
The second form of discrimination I want to chat about real quick is homophobia. Lets create a little hypothetical scenario. You are a heterosexual woman in your mid to late twenties. You are attracted to men. You are opposed to homosexuality. You meet a homosexual man in his mid to late twenties. He is attracted to men. You immediately don’t like him. WHY? You obviously like people with penises, why can’t he? What’s the difference here? Are you scared that he’s going to steal your boyfriend? Yeah, well if you carry on with that attitude, your boyfriend probably won’t want you.
Human society at large is currently in a heated debate over the so-called ‘issue’ of gay marriage. I find that a lot of people who oppose gay marriage do so as a result of their religious beliefs. Religion is great and I, along with most open-minded people, respect that. Now it’s your turn to respect other people’s beliefs. You don’t think gays should marry because YOUR religion says its bad? Well sorry for you sweetheart, we live in the twenty first century, and what your religion says has nothing to do with the way anyone else lives their life. It seems to me as if a lot of people *ahem* *AMERICA* have forgotten this.
In conclusion, I believe it is time for us to remove that pretty facade we’ve thrown over our damaged society and reveal the ugly, damaged truth. We need everyone to realise that discrimination is far from over. We need to do this so that the racists, rather than those in interracial friendships or couples, are ostracized. We need to allow everyone to marry whoever they want. We need a society where anyone, regardless of what genitalia they possess, can dress as plainly or as fabulously as they choose, without being subject to ridicule.
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And that is the end of the Jess-Rant! Be sure to drop likes & comments & check out her blog! And now I shall put down her link AGAAAAAAIN: http://nerdlymusings.wordpress.com GO GO GO GO GOOO
All my love, all the time
-Scoot xx

Scoot on ~ being angry

I’m angry.

I’m angry because of reasons, and legitimate ones at that. Not reasons like “the sky is bluer than it was yesterday and now the sky feels like it has an iferiority complex with itself of yesterday” though that too could be a pretty valid point.

I’m angry because racism still exists. I am so tired of racist people, you literally have no idea. I don’t care what colour you are, if I like the way you think (i.e. if you actually think) then I like you! And that’s how it goes for me. But we just have some RACIST ASS BEEPERS in this world and I have no clue why. “I hate white/black/asian people because my parents hate them.” DAHECK IS YOUR PROBLEM? DO YOU HAVE NO MIND? I think that racist people should be vapourised, because God could use that skin and body you’re being racist in for something else, like, hmm, I don’t know, pehaps a human being who treats other people with respect?

I’m angry because homophobia is till a thing. I cannot stand those people who think that their kids will “catch gayness” from being around someone who is EXACTLY the same but loves someone different to how you do. I don’t get it. Listen, if a kid comes out after talking to a gay person, THEY WERE GAY TO BEGIN WITH! Like stop this, “No don’t go there he’ll hurt you” or “Don’t let her come close to you” rubbish. I think it’s such crap and I think that anyone who’s homophobic deserves to be smacked once. Then have some sense drilled into their heads, with a drill if unnecessary.

Lastly, I’m angry because people are intolerant. And not just “Mmm yeah I cant deal walking away” intolerant, intolerant as in REFUSE to be in the same room with people because, I don’t know, they think they’re better somehow? They just refuse to put up with anyone who’s a little, bit , or a lot different to them? Nay. That I cannot do with. Those people need hugs. Then cereal, because if that cant fix them…nothing will.

Anyway, that’s all for tonight’s rant, and I’m really glad I got it out there. Also, to whoever’s reading this, I really and truly appreciate you. I mean I started this new blog because I needed newness in my life and seeing that someone read an article, or liked something makes me get 13 self esteem points. So thank you, beautiful creation. 

All my love all the time

-Scoot xx