nobody cares about your loud exhaust, michael

His name probably isn’t Michael, but I’m gonna go with it.

Outside one of the buildings where I go to school, there is a parking lot. Inside this parking lot, there is a motorcycle. Upon this motorcycle is Michael, and I want to knock him off of it.

Michael drives (rides?) a shockingly orange, very loud motorbike. When I say very loud, I mean startle you from sleep loud. I mean, get on the ground and duck for cover loud. I mean this boy spends 20 minutes revving his bike every time I have the misfortune of walking past the academic building loud. I have no intention of hurting him or his ego, but I swear to Jesus, Mary, Joseph and saint above that I want to destroy that bike. Good heavens.

The first time I walked past, I was with a friend who yelled, “We get it, your dick is MASSIVE” as we walked past. I laughed. The second time, he was just doing it. I didn’t want to yell but also, I just really hate how loud it is. So, I walked past muttering obscenities to myself. I most recently walked past last night at 7:50 pm while trying to get to my 7:40 French class, and that experience is why I’m writing this post. Y’all, I have never wanted to kick a bike so badly in my life.

I was already in a daze, having slept through my alarm, so the first kick of the exhaust was like a gunshot ricocheting through my entire body. Fine, it woke me all the way up. Not fine because it continued. The second kick made me mad because I jumped and bit my tongue. By the third, I was so close to just walking right up to him, but I didn’t want to be so close to the noise.

Essentially, what I’m trying to say is maybe you have the world’s biggest dick and you want everyone to know it via the ridiculous noise your vehicle can make – you can still just not. Consider just…not.

Nobody cares, Michael. Fuck your exhaust pipe.

love and light,
shalom xo

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Blinding

I was listening to Blinding by Florence and the Machine song earlier today, and while some of my favourite lyrics in the world are from that song (No more dreaming of the dead as if death itself was undone / No more calling like a crow, for a boy, for a body in the garden), this post isn’t about that.

This post is about glasses, and wearing glasses, and the annoying things that people who don’t wear glasses do.

The thing that most people without glasses don’t seem to understand is that people with glasses wear glasses for a reason. This seems like base knowledge and yet, 7/10 times when I meet someone new, they’ll take my glasses, try them on and exclaim something along the lines of “Woah! You’re so blind!” or “I can’t see anything through these!” or my personal favourite, “You look so much better without them!”

Man, oh man.

First off, of course my eyes are bad, ya dingus! That’s why they should have stayed on my face, and not have gotten near yours. As a person who is embarrassingly close to being legally blind – for real, I can see maybe a foot in front of me at best without m glasses – I know. I know my eyes are bad. Your observation…what did you really think would come of it? A medal? A tattoo voucher? If ever you find such offers available, please inform me. I would love to tell people obvious facts about their eyes for rewards!

Next, I’d like you to think carefully about why you can’t see through them. Through my prescription spectacles. Here’s a clue: my glasses. My glasses. Did you expect a sudden history of bad eyes from your father’s side to descend upon you for the three seconds that you had them on? I don’t understand. Help me to understand. Why do you do this?

Lastly, regarding your ever so helpful opinion about my appearance without my seeing device. You know what else looks better without my glasses? You do. Because I can’t see any of you if you stand at least two paces from me. Please, stand two paces from me.

This has been a 2014 scooton.wordpress.com style rant, because I am feeling sad and bad. I failed the same part of my driver’s test for the second time today, and I feel like a class A idiot. I also have a discount for sushi courtesy of my pal Tash, and I am going to use it and mope. Thank you kindly. Happy Bedim.

love and light,
shalom xo

2016 IS A BITCH.

THIS YEAR HAS BEEN THE BIGGEST LOAD OF ABSOLUTE PRACTICAL JOKENESS ON MY LIFE. LET’S TALK ABOUT IT.

Ah, 2016. This year was supposed to be filled with promise, new adventures, love and all round awesomeness. It was going to be amazing. We’re in November now, and I’ve never been more sure of the second coming of Christ in my life. There is NO WAY that everything will go back to normal after this – what even is normal? What even has 2016 been?

This year I have:

  • been punched (and still made to pay double) by a taxi driver
  • been robbed four times
  • gotten accepted into a bunch of Canadian universities then was forbidden to go
  • had two phones stolen from me
  • seen the south african government give zero fucks about the future of the youth and the education crisis in the country
  • had my laptop, my baby Gertrude, completely give up on me
  • gone through a messy breakup (messy as in I was a mess, I cried for three weeks straight and my mother thought I would dissolve into tears)
  • been blackout drunk at a res party and ended up crawling through the halls, earning me the reputation of “that drunk girl who was crawling at the first EOH party” according to one boy
  • seen the bankrupt guy from the apprentice be nominated as the republican candidate for the presidency
  • beaten a man up on the sidewalk in self defence
  • lost R200 in one go
  • been flat broke and had my account in overdraft enough times to almost have the bank freeze my accounts
  • had my new bank account frozen for three weeks with my allowance in it
  • been fired
  • managed to be broke 24/7 despite working three jobs
  • had three pairs of headphones
  • lost the first pair at the first uni party, the second at the first res party and somehow managed to will the third to stop working
  • had people completely cut me off without any explanation
  • tripped in heels at least six times
  • run out of a restaurant during a really awkward date by answering a fake phone call and yelling “gee i’ve got to go like right now oh man bye!”
  • broken at least four pairs of shoes
  • sliced my fingers open with knives, bottle caps, washing machines, cupboards, and tins of jam
  • facilitated nine successful hookups in a day and none of my own (call me wingman extraordinaire)
  • had the hot water in my house off for two weeks
  • had to change my holiday to lisbon three times because my sister’s exams got shifted
  • been threatened with rape by the police
  • had my godmother not respond to my emails
  • had two colleges just…not process my application (they just didn’t do it)
  • very nearly came close to being in a fight with a drug addict at pride, and
  • have no bras that fit my new and improved birth control boobs.

It sounds like a joke! How can this much absolute crap happen to one human being in ten months?  Who’s puppy’s tail did I stand on in a past life? This year has been a mess. I am currently a mess. I have work in three hours, an exam on the two days following today, and a travel agent to call. I hate phonecalls.

I have a couple of posts coming up including a l0ok back on Joburg Pride (which was a fantastic day where I’m almost 100% certain I found my pal Ash a wife), my October rewind, a lil talk about police brutality and probably more angsty rants. I am going through the MOST.

love and light,
shalom xo

I’m angry and armed with a blog.

this post has too many memes

  • me @ myself:get it together…..

  • also me @ myself:ur literally going through a lot rn? cut yourself some slack?

  • also also me @ myself:…anyway….i hate my entire self


pepe

Greetings, loved ones.

That was terrible. I said that in a Snoop Dogg voice and I’m haunting myself and I NEED TO STOP.

Basically, this is a post about all the reasons I’m angry. You don’t know this, but for the last three weeks, I’ve been complaining and not making intelligible conversation because as of September 5th, I grunt and make guttural noises and hope to be understood. Yugh. Today is also my 2 year anniversary with scooton.wordpress.com! It’s weird that I’ve been writing incoherent ramblings on here for as long as some people have been alive, and probably stranger that you’ve been reading them. Anyway. Onto the post. Looking back on this post, this is a suitable time for a profanity warning. You’ve been warned.

  1. WHY AM I STILL AT SCHOOL?
  2. All the matrics (seniors, final year of high school, whatever it is for all you international followers) in my schooling district have FINISHED THEIR SYLLABUSES  and don’t have to come to school anymore but I WILL BE LEARNING UNTIL OCTOBER 16 WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY
  3. I swear IF I GET CATCALLED ONE MORE FUCKING TIME basbs
  4. Seriously. I got catcalled on the way to an extra lesson nine times today. NINE FUCKING TIMES and I hate it so much. Like????? Don’t whistle at me!!! Don’t call me “baby”!!! Don’t TOUCH me!!!
  5. Troye Sivan has not yet released the Blue Neighbourhood part 3 video and I don’t like it

  6. I fuckin’ hate electrostatics.
  7. EVERY GODDAMN PHYSICS EXAM I ALWAYS DO SO SHITTILY IN ELECTROSTATICS AND ELECTRIC CIRCUITS AND I HATE ITbad
  8. Things are so expensive omg
  9. Things that cost more than two dollars are not illegal EVEN THOUGH THEY SHOULD BE
  10. I have to do really well in my finals and I am high-key freaking out about them like ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
  11. COULD EVERYONE ASKING ME ABOUT MY FUTURE JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN I PROMISE YOU WILL KNOW AS SOON AS I KNOW BUT FOR NOW GO THE HECK AWAY
  12. This also doesn’t make me mad but I’m gonna swear in ice-cream flavours from now on
  13. Who the rocky road decided that seven thirty was a good time for school to start?????
  14. I HATE BEING TOLD WHAT TO SO MUCH COOKIES AND CREAM I HATE IT SO MUCH
  15. I. Am still. ANGRY.

That’s all for today! Thanks for stopping by! Apologies for the assault on your eyes and potentially your soul that just occurred. I’m really tired. I’m going to study for chemistry. Or something.

love and light
shalom

It Is What It Is – Academic Awards Edition

Shalom Obisie-Orlu. Scroll.

Tonight at the academic awards evening at my school, that was what was called out before I walked onto stage and received my certificate. A scroll for academic achievement. Sounds good, right? Wrong. Let me fill you in on what has been going on in the swell of tears and banging in my brain for the past hour since the event ended:

(also, hello!)

At the school I was at from 2012-June 2014, academic awards can be achieved in grade ten, eleven and twelve, under half colours or full colours. With the report I achieved last year, I would have qualified for half colours. I’m confident I would have also managed to get full colours for netball, and been a councillor, or senior leader.

Does it matter? No.

In June/July of 2014 I made a decision to transfer schools in an attempt to save myself. As dramatic as it sounds, it’s the truth. I didn’t, contrary to popular belief, get bored and move to a school where I would have (a) nothing to my name, (b) no academic reputation in the most important year of high school, and (c) an extremely tough time fitting in to school in the middle of the year.

Nobody does that because they’re bored. Nobody uproots his or her life for attention. Nobody goes through extremely depressive cycles and ridiculous application processes just for fun.

It’s NOT fun.

Today, I was presented with a scroll. A scroll is the most basic academic achievement award presentable at my new school. It’s the award that anyone can get. You get a scroll for your first year of doing well.

It’s not my first year.

I’m not smart at school but I try really hard. I used to be brilliant. It was all I had. I worked so, so hard in the most difficult school year I have ever had to endure and then, this.

I meet the criteria for half colours. I meet the criteria at two schools, for goodness’s sake! I just so happened to make a decision and I now don’t get the award I deserve in every manner of speaking,because I haven’t been at the school long enough.

Look, tonight I’ve managed to offend one of my closest friends, almost swear at my mother, cry so hard my eyes are struggling to open, held back so many outbursts, fake smiled at so many people and said so many “thank you”s that I honestly wish I meant.

Grow up, Shalom. Get a hold of yourself. You got an award! Some people didn’t get anything. Be grateful. High school isn’t everything. You’ll be done with this in ten months.

I’ve been trying to get myself to understand these things, but how can I when they so clearly contradict everything I’ve been told?

  • this is the most important most important year of your life
  • matric stays with you forever
  • you get what you work for

Not the case here. I’m also really, really angry at myself; at the fact that I can’t be 100 per cent hapy for my lovely friends who did so well. About the fact that I snapped about not getting a good enough award when my lovely friend didn’t get an award at all.

I sound like an arrogant, unsatisfied brat. I know. And I hate it when people are like this. But these are my feelings and I would never act on them for fear of hurting another person (sorry Chy). I just needed somewhere to put them.

That’s all I have o say for now. That’s all the stupid, overprivelleged, arrogant and annoying ranting you’ll have to tolerate for today. I’m terribly sorry.

 

In truth, well done to all of the award winners tonight. You deserve it. (no cynicism intended)

with love,
shalom

NEW FRIENDS NEEDED – APPLICATIONS OPEN

I owe you all a proper post. After this semi rant-rant.

So I’ve been on grade eleven camp for the past  four days, and the point of this camp is for the grade to bond, because we’ll be leading the school next year and stuff. We’re supposed to get to know people who we didn’t through the randomised groups we were put into, and then we’d learn to work with each other and a thoroughly fruitful experience would be had, yeah?

Nah.

So what actually happened on camp? For me, mostly everything that should have happened. I talked to people that I had only had my own formulated opinions about, and I got proven wrong almost every time. I had a 16 1/2 year old boy run down a hill with me on his back after I had hurt my ankle, and he just kep running and asking if I was okay.This boy that I thought hated my guts. Wow, surprise right? I got a couple of those – pleasant surprises.

But I also go some other surprises.

I guess they don’t count as surprises if I really knew that it was coming in the back of my mind, but the surprise came from the extent to which it happened. Confused? Let me fill you in.

So at school I used to sit with these people.  Three girls,  three boys- one of which who used to be my boyfriend for all of 2.5 months(wow [sarcasm]) , let’s call him Remy, and one who was my best friend that we’ll call Autumn (? questionable definition). Now one of the other girls that we’ll call Hazel is dating Travis, and Autumn is dating Seth (who in turn hates my guts, and only Jesus knows why because he doesn’t even know). Also in that group, Alaska, a lovely sweet girl who never gets involved in much and lives really close to me (so I’d rather stay on her side seeing that if a bear was chasing me, her house would be nearest to mine), and Audrey, who is overly brash and loud, but is basically a part of my family. Now that you’ve been introduced, let me tell you what happened:

Basically, as heard by 9 different eye witnesses,  Seth (hates me) and Travis (apparently hates me too?) along with Hazel, bitched about me for a whole 40 minutes, and called me several things, including 1)  backstabbing bitch who was never good enough for Remy – did I mention Seth and Remy are twins? 2) crazily inferior to Imogen (who calls herself my friend) , Seth’s new girl-girl, and 3) apparently smack-talking Autumn, all the time yeah?

WELL GUESS WHO JUST GOT RE-INTRODUCED TO HERSELF? ME!

I spoke to both Imogen and Hazel, and both seemed oblivious to any of the things said. Imogen apologised for not speaking to me, and told me she’d never want to ruin our friendship-cute hey? FACT TIME: NOT JEALOUS. Hurt that Imogen didn’t even make an attempt to speak to me about something involving the two of us after a month of brewing? Yes. Well, I was.

I don’t really care much now, but if they’re reading, these people know who they are.  Also I changed all of their names because I think mine are cooler except Travis. Travis is kinda ‘eh’.

Well, I’m in the business of looking again. New friends needed. Applications open.  Application closed to deadbeats, put downers, plastics and bitches.

-Scoot xx 

INTRODUCING JESS

So I talk about her a lot, and she’s my super lovely super pale veggie twin, and I love her. So without further ado, the first of many guest blogs by the one, the only, Jessica Rachel Craven! *cue applause audience goes wild and starts eating tonnes of food because they are already so entertained ;)*  I love Jess, and she makes some valid points sometimes – okay, most times- and if they don’t leave you with a hunger for more of her work, it sure will leave you thinking. So be sure to take a look at her blog and give me your thumbs -_- no not really, drop a like or a comment and check her out 😀

http://nerdlymusings.wordpress.com

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*ahem* Is this thing on? Yes? Oh.
As you may or may not have been able to tell, I feel mildly out of place in this environment. ScootOn is to my blog what New York City is to some dinky little Southern town. My cover reason for being here today is to throw in a new voice to Scoot’s lovely blog. Of course, my genuine intention is to  get more people to read my writing… but no one heard that! Right, on with the show…
It fills me with disgust that we live in a world where discrimination exists. You may now be rolling your eyes at this worn out, done-to-death topic, but hear me out. I want to share with you a story shared by Scoot and I. It’s a story of how, many years after the abolition of apartheid, numerous feminist movements, slavery and many other battles for freedom, discrimination is still plaguing the so-called ‘born frees’. I find it fascinating that I can effortlessly find examples of every single prominent form of discrimination every day in my own life. I honestly believe that discrimination is far from dead. Instead, society wants to cover it up. Instead of completely eradicating discrimination, we are covering it in a facade of togetherness. We thought that it was all gone, but when we realised it remained, we chose to ignore the cancer rather than go to the effort of exposing and killing it.
I consider Scoot to be one of my best friends. We’re just two teenage girls who share some opinions and some adventures. Now, there is what I thought would be the irrelevant issue of skin pigmentation. So, I am a few shades lighter. Who gives a flying fuck? Well, apparently, far too many people. I know for a fact that there are many people in our school who would not associate with Scoot because her closest friends are white. That’s right. There are people in OUR SCHOOL who think that race mixing is wrong.
Another awful example of how racism is far from gone is the opinions of a girl I used to be friends with. She once told me that she failed to comprehend how I could be attracted to guys who were not white. She told me that if I chose to marry a black man, she would refuse to come to my wedding. Her justification? She claimed she could not change those thoughts because she was raised that way. If that’s not a prime example of spinelessness and straight out refusal to accept diversity, I don’t know what is.
The second form of discrimination I want to chat about real quick is homophobia. Lets create a little hypothetical scenario. You are a heterosexual woman in your mid to late twenties. You are attracted to men. You are opposed to homosexuality. You meet a homosexual man in his mid to late twenties. He is attracted to men. You immediately don’t like him. WHY? You obviously like people with penises, why can’t he? What’s the difference here? Are you scared that he’s going to steal your boyfriend? Yeah, well if you carry on with that attitude, your boyfriend probably won’t want you.
Human society at large is currently in a heated debate over the so-called ‘issue’ of gay marriage. I find that a lot of people who oppose gay marriage do so as a result of their religious beliefs. Religion is great and I, along with most open-minded people, respect that. Now it’s your turn to respect other people’s beliefs. You don’t think gays should marry because YOUR religion says its bad? Well sorry for you sweetheart, we live in the twenty first century, and what your religion says has nothing to do with the way anyone else lives their life. It seems to me as if a lot of people *ahem* *AMERICA* have forgotten this.
In conclusion, I believe it is time for us to remove that pretty facade we’ve thrown over our damaged society and reveal the ugly, damaged truth. We need everyone to realise that discrimination is far from over. We need to do this so that the racists, rather than those in interracial friendships or couples, are ostracized. We need to allow everyone to marry whoever they want. We need a society where anyone, regardless of what genitalia they possess, can dress as plainly or as fabulously as they choose, without being subject to ridicule.
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And that is the end of the Jess-Rant! Be sure to drop likes & comments & check out her blog! And now I shall put down her link AGAAAAAAIN: http://nerdlymusings.wordpress.com GO GO GO GO GOOO
All my love, all the time
-Scoot xx

Scoot on ~ the war for sanity on social media

ImageI can deal with a lot of things. I can deal with most, in fact. But today, while convincing myself that Facebook and Youtube videos count as studying, I came across another rant topic. Do prepare yourself, world.

HASHTAGS.

For God’s sake who came up with these things? Yes, I understand the purpose, and the fact that it’s meant to link collective intrests on posts and photos. But if I see another picture like the one you saw at the top of this post with any of the following hashtags: #selfie #nofilters #nomakeup #clothes #collar #peace #hippies #photography #portrait #faces #duckface #duck #nature #lamp #light #inspired #love #happiness #room #me #pretty #beautiful #youarebeautiful #mirror #mirrormirroronthewall #snowwhite #huntsman #movies #kristenstewart #twilight #twihard…

No lies, this is what I have seen.

If these hashtags are meant to link common intrests, then why the hell are we talking about snow white and hippies and twilight all at once? I mean, if a pot smoking hippie wanted to find out what the best display for his weed truck was, and typed in #hippie and got this instead? Man, I’d be disappointed. People don’t need to point out that the photograph is of themselves.  WE SEE YOU, MMKAY? Like really, just because you have a lamp in the room you’re standing in doesn’t make you an inspiration…it’s really just a lamp.

Instagram does not make you a photographer! Please could people stop hashtagging themselves as photographers when all they do is pose in front of a mirror and press the take button? Seriously, this is affecting my sanity!

I mean, it’s hard to remain sane on social networks these days. You have Facebook which now uses these dreaded things, people linking their twitter to their Facebook accounts (Why would you even do that?) and people linking their Instagram to Facebook, using hashtags like #Instaheart #instadaily #instagram #instalove #instaparty #instafood

GOSH DAMMIT I GET IT

Please, don’t be that guy >.<

Anyway, that’s all for now, I’m going back to hit the books…I have finals in 3 weeks. Wish me luck? I love you 😀

All my love, all the time

-Scoot xx