Day three of NaNoWriMo and I’m already forgetting things.

I’m writing mt math final in about 36 hours, so I did another practice exam: 35 /100! Better than yesterday’s.

I don’t have many pearls of wisdom today, except for this: sleep is fantastic.

It really isn’t just for the weak! It’s really for the whole week. I tried really hard to be funny there, in case you were wondering what the heck that was.

I’ve been going to sleep by 21:30 for the last week or so, and even though I run on batteries, coffee and vegan chicken strips, I feel a lot better? Mostly because I only got told that I looked like I “crawled out of a Gotham sewer” once last week. Once, is also an improvement from three times.

Again, WHAT IS THE POINT?

I don’t really know. Maybe I’ll find out after I get some sleep. If you’re having some difficulty, I recommend this playlist. And this one.Maybe it’ll help.  Ah, 8tracks is amazing, just love it.

I think I’ll post more than 5 minutes before bed time tomorrow.

Love & Affection,

-Scoot X

My name is Shalom and I am terrified.

I’m scared of everything, of myself, of people, of windows, of mirrors, of rooms, of butterflies, of time.

Just scared.

 

I have severe panic and anxiety attacks that sometimes last for more than three hours.

I can’t do anything because I forget how to breathe. I forget how to function.

 

I can’t sleep and it’s 01:14 AM here is South Africa.

I have two exams tomorrow and my school career is in limbo.

 

I’m terrified, and I keep crying, and I don’t like it.

I keep doing it, and I can’t talk to anyone because sometimes just a person’s mouth moving can send me right into a state of severe panic.

 

I’m terrified.

-Scoot xx

Scoot on ~ why I should probably get more sleep

So before you read this, there are a few things you should know. (1) It’s almost 6am in Johannesburg, South Africa, and I am very awake having not slept yesterday, (2) I do believe I spend too much time on tumblr, (3) these are some things that happen to my facebook account when I’m like this and generally all the time. 

Please, don’t kill me, please ‘(-.-)’

1. I’m not sleepy enough to de-capitalise the ‘i’

2. tumblr can hurt people beware and stuffmlike seriously waow this grammar is so bad no, I have to stop now.

3. oh no
it’s 5.30
the functional humans shall soon wake

yeah better go hide or sleep or something

4.  me: *types in* miley cyrus
autocorrect: millet circus
me: miley cyrus
autocorrect: limey cyprus
me: *breathes sharply* m i l e y c y r u s
autocorrect: smiley virus

SMILEY VIRUS I CAN’T

5. person: hey, watcha doin’?
me: just casually fixing breakfast.
person: at 4.30 in the afternoon?
me: I SAID CASUALLY

6.going to sleep at 7:05 and waking up at 11.30 isn’t really advisable ever
#besafekids

7. Errmigaard hashtags work on WordPress

so hashtag

wow

8.people it’s bright outside
why the hell am i awake

guess who’s screwed  😀

9. I just painted all 10 of my fingernails (haven’t in ever) and it’s some shade of pink
but every time I look down at the keyboard while I’m typing, I see these strange pink headed digits moving about

and then, for a second, my brain goes:

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL HELL GET OFF WHAT THE HELL IS THAT WHAT THE FOX SOMEBODY HELP DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME PLEASE TAKE MY SHOES INSTEAD THEY SUCK

and then I calm down and continue my counterproductive internet life  🙂

10. the problem is staying up until *insert time that is never fixed* and blogging and tumblring and watching extreme displays of rachetery and reading harry potter and realising that the hunger is real and then you’re like

person: really, stomach?
stomach: LOUSY HUMAN GET ME FOOD
person:but it’s 2am
stomach: DID I STUTTER *proceeds to display anger through crazy hunger pangs*

Dearest readers, please sleep.

All my love,

-Scoot xxx

Scoot on ~ the trouble of theme choosing

SIDE NOTE: this post was meant to be published last night, buuuut our friend the internet did not allow for such. Sorry, I’ll just be posting twice today! X

The theme on my blog is aptly named TwentyThirteen. And being the person that I am, today, I sat down and said to myself, “Come now, whatever happened to leaving TwentyThirteen in 2013?” So, as the average human being would do, I went to the mirror and poked the reflection for 13 minutes – oh, yes, I now have a watch- and then I decided to browse through some new themes.

Now, because I’m me  (otherwise known as ridiculously indecisive and unable to be fast about it) I felt really intimidated by all of the themes and the variety posed by them all. I guess the logistics were simple: choose a new theme that’s good for mostly text posts and is interesting enough to look at. 

What actually happened was 21 minutes of scrolling and anxiety.

So, let me introduce you to a very small selection of the WordPress themes that I considered, and the extreme in-my-head conversation that accompanied them.

  • TwentyFourteen

twentyfourteen-home

Hey, seeing that that’s next year and my current theme corresponds with the year, I should probably carry on with that. Oh. Ohhh. This is pretty. Look how those photos show up. Pretty. Featured images really shine in this theme.‘ Hey, that would work…if I used featured images. -_- Okay, so this one is out. Bummer.

  • Shine On

Shine On

OWL! I like owls! MM, this looks cool. Looks like it could be used for writing. Mm, sounds good. Oh, what’s Harry’s owl’s name? Headwig! Why isn’t this theme called Headwig? Oh well, you can’t have everything. It’s pretty bright, it could possibly be exciting! Megh. Megh megh megh. No, not this one.

  • Writr

Home Page

A HOT CUP OF TEA! I do like this! still, this isn’t a photo blog…and there are these two columns that kinda scare me…but the colours are pretty? Yeah no this isn’t going to work.

  • EVERY SINGLE THEME

Achahacahahahah hehe sleepy time 😀 oh is that a goat? Hmm what’s on tumblr? THIS CRAPPY INTERNET CONNECTION IS KILLING ALL VIBES THAT I HAVE EVER HAD.

me: yeah it’s almost 3am better sleep
next harry potter book: oh no you don’t
me: leave me alone I want sleep
harry: hello there
me: WTF IM HALLUCINATING I NEED SLEEP
dudley’smom: harry come here now you rubbish child
me: OH NO YOU DIDN’T hold on sleep I’ll be back

***

And this is the reason my theme is still TwentyThirteen.

Well, new year’s posts are mandatory, so see you tomorrowowowowowowWOW! 😀

All my love, all the time

-Scoot xx

Night 122

*** Oh, yes, I write too 🙂 please read & drop a like or comment 😀 I guess if anyone enjoys this I could add this to my regular rants 😛 Thanks lovelies 😀

All my love all the time

-Scoot xx ***

                                 ________________________________________________________________________

Today is Wednesday. It is the first Wednesday of the week long mid-term break.

It’s the 122nd night that I cant sleep.

I turn in my bed, looking for a comfortable spot to rest my head, something that should feel warm, natural. No, that’s not this. This feels alien, so strange–like something I don’t experience often, and for a good reason.

I try to lie on my back, facing the ceiling, and find myself contemplating the odds of the roof collapsing on me, the odds of anything collapsing on me, the odds of the odds being Ever In My Favour.

I think about the days that I used to try to fall asleep, as I turn onto my side. My bed creaks as I do. It says more than most people know, it speaks. Honest, it does. It tells me that those extra sandwiches weren’t worth it, that tomorrow’s going to be a sad day at the scale. So here, now, on my right side, I close my eyes.

I close my eyes to see exactly what I tried to avoid by doing so – I see the truth. My truth at least. That’s what the therapist told me once. “Your truth can sometimes hurt you, so it’s best to look deeper, for the real truth.” As if. As if a ten year old would understand that.

My closed eyes choose not to grow heavy, but rather to fill me with panic and fear, as I contemplate tomorrow.

It seems simple enough, this sleep thing. Simple as taking candy from a baby, simple as counting to three. Simplicity that’s too complex for me to find.

I turn on my left side, facing the wall, with one major thought in my mind- a first for me. I turn and think of tomorrow.

Tomorrow will be night 123.

Scoot on ~ sleeping and the lack thereof

 

It’s a well-known fact that teenagers should sleep. Whoever came up with that fact obviously hasn’t met the internet–supposed that they’re still alive, and if not…well God bless his or her soul.

Anywho, about two nights ago I went to bed at around 4 am, only to find that the sun was already rising, leaving me to consume my 3am ice cream in much despair, because of school in 3 hours and other ridiculous things that I believe nobody should have to ever worry about. I couldn’t sleep (duh) and I couldn’t figure out why either. It’s like 4 out of 5 voices in my head wanted to sleep, and the other one was thinking things like, “If tomatoes are a fruit, then is ketchup actually a smoothie? And also, does thee colour orange have the name of the fruit, or the fruit the name of the colour?” 
You see I’m not crazy. I know some people will beg to differ, but I’m not, I swear. I’m being serious here, I’m wouldn’t surprise you with any euphemisms (i.e. I’m just special, or I’m different) if I meant I was actually batshit crazy. I don’t have voices voices I’m my head, just regular voices in my head voices. (Say voices fast 12 times. 😛 )
These voices aren’t always helpful, and neither are the things that people tell you to do to help you sleep. Well, not for me anyway. So I’ve come up with a list of:
Things That DO NOT Help One To Sleep
  1. Counting sheep. Who in the hell came up with this? Seriously, like where does this come from? Because somebody decided that an adequate,appropriate way for someone to fall asleep would be for them to count some wool-making, cloud-looking farm animal. What?  Why would anybody want to think of a sheep if they’re having trouble sleeping? Maybe it’s the “soft and fluffy” mentality. But still, no ways.
  2. Trying to dream.  THIS DOESN’T WORK! I can testify, from about six years of experience. You want to dream about bunnies? Good for you! You think  planning your dream before you sleep is gonna help you out? WRONG. That does nothing but leave you in this half-awake half-dreaming state, and it’s awful. I’m not talking about lucid dreaming here, because that’s actually quite cool (For those of you who didn’t know, lucid dreaming is being able to control your dreams by being awake in them. Here’s how:  http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYSX51xBkos‎ 
  3. Lastly, Crawling into bed. Granted this helps whenever you need to be studying, or doing something important, but the moment you get into a bed to do what a bed was made for (sleep if you wondered, naughty :O ).

So in conclusion, I’m tired. And sleep is SO necessary right now. But maybe I can go another day…them Youtube videos keep me up anyway..

All my love all the time

-Scoot xx