currently 3

currently, my room (which doubles as my office [ha office what]) along with my entire house, has been turned upside down and inside out due to renovations and painting. all of my stuff has been moved out (save for my bed and immovable desk) into another room and i grow more and more frustrated every day. i do not know where any of my stuff is. despite the painting in my room being finished, i now have no internet to work off because our internet has been disconnected (in line with the study where the router is being pulled apart because painting) and it’s driving me mad. and broke.

currently, i am in a starbucks after almost crying from frustration after spending three hours on the phone with the bank. i am so tired, and also regret my ill advised decision to wear a bra today. (i’m just going to take it off.)

currently, i am craving food from chiapas eat mexican here in rosebank, but i also know for a fact that i cannot afford it at all. i’ve filled out so many forms and drank a chai latte that i only bought because a friend of mine from high school was working the register. i couldn’t drink it. it’s so much milk, man.

currently, i am stressed about student loans and being broke until i am 40. i’m tired today, and i can’t be arsed to call those banks today. i really can’t. i’m living this tweet at the moment:

currently, i am spending most of my time thinking about the severe lack of the
knowledge of the logistics about my move that i have. it’s a mess. there is so much happening between flights and after flights and in the magical time that i think i have but definitely do not. i have to close a bank account here and if you were around this time last year, you’ll know that my luck with banks is…near non existent.

currently, i’m working on trying to get my may monthly me up and see how it differs from last year’s. i like having these months to look back on. i’m going to finish the atlas series (which has been wonderful and challenging and maybe the only series i will ever finish) and write when i want which will be often. i hope. speaking of writing, i have letters to mail to dora.

currently, my body is tired. my brain is eh. mostly, life is comme ci comme ca. ya girl is thuggin. (trying.)

love and light,
shalom xo

 featured image from death to stock

[It’s not gonna be] May

It wasn’t.

In this post, I talked about how shit 2016 had been up until then. I hoped & wondered whether May would bring better things – really, whether I would just get my shit together.

This post is a report back. A failed mission report.mission

 

We begin with a vision board in the middle of the month. I am already broke, and the remaining R400 in my account is money I owe to people. I fight with people on the internet, and annoy everyone who is friends with me on facebook by doing what I’m supposed to do on twitter, as I’ve been told.giphy

The blow-by-blow accounts of my days get semi ridiculous because I become aware of how pathetic I sound. I meet a girl from my high school on campus, and she greets me with “I thought you dropped out because you’re always crying.”. Nice. Lemme tell you something, fellas: If a person dropped out every time I cried for more than an hour there is NO WAY universities would be a thing. Honestly. They’d give up. I’d rob them of their business and they wouldn’t even see it coming.

I receive an email from a follower in Germany, and am asked where I get the inspiration to write the characters in the stories that I tell on my blog. I ask, confused, which stories? I am told, “all of them but mostly the ones with the bad luck and epic fails”. Ah. I see. My dear friend is unaware of the unfortunate non-fiction nature of my mishaps that I recount on here. I give them the news that despite the events seeming like jokes, I am the joke, and the events are true. The reply reads, “Oh man that is tough but still funny! Viel Glück!”. It’s my favourite email I’ve received so far.

On the topic of emails: my phone stops receiving my school emails. I log in at my computer and see that I have missed five announcements concerning my philosophy exam. Excefuckinglento. I’m too stressed to physically act upon my stress for the upcoming exam. I decide I don’t need to go to school for almost a week because I don’t have to, and then that I’ve earned five days off from studying.

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Two days before my exam, I become painfully aware that I was not deserving of those off-days.

I fight with a boy because he believes that I should put his preference of me, and women in general, wearing fancy bras, over my argument that I don’t like wearing a bra some days (because I can’t breathe HELLO IT’S A CAGE A BOOB AND RIB CAGE CAGE) and I don’t have to. I almost yell. I don’t because he’s stupid, and I’m tired.

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Same, Simon. It’s a no from me, too.

I see a man get hit by a car on my way to a study session with my #1 pal. I stop and help him, call his girlfriend (thanks Robyn), and go to the police station with them to fill a form. They drive me to the police station, because I am helping them. I expect them to drive me back to where they found me, but they don’t. I am left at a police station half an hour’s walk from where I was going. I arrive at my friend’s house, and we go for brunch. We eat cheaply because we are broke. The value for money? A+.

My default state has quickly become “painfully aware”. I write the philosophy exam, and by some force of nature or witchcraft, I do not embarrass myself by falling on the way to my seat or crying loudly during the exam (like I did during the test at the beginning of the month.). I go to dinner to say goodbye to a close friend who is moving away. I am broke. I end up at a sushi restaurant with her friends who have platinum credit cards, and I am dying inside – but not in a cute way like Eliza Schuyler. DYING. I pay with my student debit card (remaining balance can buy me two lollipops), loose change (read: all the cash in my wallet) and the last shred of dignity I have.

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I have just gotten home. I have cried my makeup off, and then actually took my make-up off (look at me!). I have three exams left, one of which I am almost certain that I will need divine intervention to scrape a pass. I am very tired.

It is the end of May, and I have not done the things. June can kiss my ass. I’m here for eating sandwiches and pretending not to witness the crumbling things around me. 2016 has been a flaming bag of dicks so far. I’m not particularly fond of those.

love & light,
shalom x

UniversiTERRIFYINGLY STRESSFUL.

Today, I come to you as more than just a regularly exhausted-by-life Shalom. I come now, as a bone tired university student that has consumed about six pancakes too many.

Happy Shrove Tuesday! In honour of pancake Tuesday, here’s a video from SoulPancake and my pal Kid President. You should watch it. It’s important. (It’ll probably make you a little smilier.) We all need a pep talk.

In any case, I started formal classes yesterday! Monday was pretty relaxed, and my only lecture was Global Literature and Film. It was awesome. Today? Eh, could have been better. I met my philosophy lecturer and the venue that it takes place in, and man oh man did a girl crave some sleep. It is so dark! And perfect for sleep! But I love philosophy and I honestly care about critical thinking and metaphysics. Honestly. I’m just such a sleepy kitten. I’m lying. Kittens can’t go to college, unfortunately. The do go to high school, though! My old school literally bred crazy cat ladies. We were an all girls’ school with strange cats roaming the grounds.What a time to be alive.

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Actual footage of Shalom in a box. #naturalstate

My Media and Society lecture is really cool, and I’m looking forward to seeing the psychology behind the way that media and society interlink. I’m not excited about the readings. My course pack is thicker than my arm. (I do not have very thin arms at all.)

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I think that real love is when the Prof says “there is no required textbook for this course”. I almost cried with joy when I found out that two out of four of my classes this semester are textbook free. PRAISE THE LORD. AMEN. (I’m not outright asking, but if anyone does want to buy my ridiculously expensive intro to law books for me…)

I am unfortunately still without job, and still waiting to hear back from UBC (scholarship offers) and McGill (ANYTHING offers). I am capital v capital tired. V TIRED.

(I just got very distracted by the internet and free vouchers and questionable fanfiction.)

(Un)surprisingly, I have made zero new friends? Maybe it’s because I slouch. It’s not that I haven’t met new people – there are almost 7000 first years this year. I just haven’t had any conversations beyond, “Where is the politics department? Thanks!” and “How to I get to the 3rd floor of Senate House?”. It’s a little bit shitty, to be honest. I’m hoping that tomorrow will be better than today. I hate falling asleep in class.

It’s also Valentines day soon. I remember, in 8th grade, when some of the larny private schools would get the day off as a holiday, and the rest of us would all be at school pretending not to care.

SO MUCH IS HAPPENING AND I ALREADY HAVE ESSAYS DUE AND ONLINE QUIZZES AND NOTES TO TYPE OUT AND OMG????? THINGS ARE STRESS???? HOW TO UNIVERSITY???

love and light,
shalom xo

Smooth Criminals & Straight Boys

Ah, yes. Shalom was about to ruin her schedule, during the first week of her schedule. Excellent.

Greetings! I have survived orientation week and not one, but two  ridiculous college parties. I love water, and also green juices the morning after. I do not love getting my things stolen.

At yesterday night’s Fresher’s Party -which was CRAZY GOOD until the incident -I had 8k worth of stuff stolen from me. My new phone, my headphones, and my makeup bag (????) were all taken from my bag, which was on my person and zipped closed, by some slick af thieves. Kinda like in that movie, Focus, when they pickpocket the people at that street market without anyone knowing. No? It’s this first scene. Watch this.

Yeah. Exactly like that.

In any case,  I’m without phone and without my people avoiding headphones. My phone has since been blacklisted and my Uber account disabled (see mom? I told you that we could). I’m very tired, and all round very sad.

I have also since lost all of my pictures of the parties. While the strain in my legs will remind me of the insane amount of dancing that occurred, I’ve got zero pictures of me & the people I love, having a great time.

Also, for the record: STRAIGHT BOYS GET OUT.

  • You have no permission to fetishize queer girls at all
  • You have no permission to touch queer girls at all
  • Queer girls owe you nothing
  • Do not ask queer girls with other girls if they are interested in you
  • THEY ARE NOT
  • Leave them alone
  • Stop trying to convert (??????!!!??!) queer girls
  • Seriously??
  • Screw you
  • You know who you are

Ah. Now that that’s all been said, I’m almost ready to start being extremely sad about starting the first week of lectures without headphones. Or a cellphone. I’m down in every phone department. And also in the liquid eyeliner and brow kit department.

Things are very gross right now. I’m at the mercy of two Canadian schools in terms of scholarships, I’m really worried about losing my relationships because of LIFE, I’m being very ill-disciplined when it comes to taking my meds, and I’m scared to start my English course. Ugh.

Also, tonight was Lennox’s birthday party & I couldn’t go re: rain, INTENSE SAD, car troubles, 8000 bucks more broke…

All round, it’s been shit. But I’ve been listening to Years Years Bears by Dodie Clark and Tom Rosenthal a lot & still don’t get it 100%, but now that my phone and my DELUXE COPY OF BADLANDS is gone, I’m finding myself with more time to listen to some of my youtube faves again.

be a better human if you can.

love and light,
shalom

featured image from flickr here.

Matric: senior year, grade twelve, hell.

The third day of matric and I’m already exhausted.

For those of you reading from a place that isn’t South Africa, matric is the last year of high school in South Africa – grade 12.It’s the year before everyone goes off to university/home/travelling / who the frick knows. It’s the seemingly shiny senior year and it’s full of expectaitons. I don’t think I like it.

Scratch that, I most definitely don’t like it. I’ve only been back at school for three days and I want to swear at everything. EVERYTHING. It’s as if a curse word generator has been planted in my brain was set to begin work on January 14th, 2015.  I’m overwhelmed, and have more crap to do that HAS TO GET DONE than I ever have before. I’m also running  out of sticky notes.

I’m too tired to write. I’m working really hard and doing my homework (!!!) and revising (read: learning for the first time because I wasn’t paying attention when it was taught) because I have a maths test on TUESDAY. I hate maths, remember?

I got moved up in my math and Afrikaans classes because I SOMEHOW managed to do acceptably well enough to be in the same class with people who get As for these subjects. Afrikaans? Understandable. Maths? *curse word generator fires up again*

The girls in my group of friends are ALL DIETING for the Matric Dance in May (Prom?) and it’s driving me nuts – I almost force-fed Mouse some chocolate –her birthday present– during a strange break.

Inappropriate puns have taken over my brain. My list of books to read has grown SO much and I’m extremely disappointed in myself because I’m already so busy, and there is no way I’m going to get to read them all when I want to.

I got yelled at for having an afro at school, because my natural hair –I REPEAT, NATURAL HAIR– doesn’t comply with school regulations because it isn’t flat. The biggest amount of — *CURSE WORDS EXTRAVAGANZA*

There is not enough time. Barely a week in, and bam- burnout.

On the plus side, we are studying my favourite  novel in English (The Great Gatsby) and we did the Charleston at the end of the day to get usinto the spirit of the 20s. It was fricken’ rad.


This year may well kill me.

2015, you ridiculous, rude, burdensome, distracting, lying, hopeful, promising bastard of a year.

love and sheer, sheer exhaustion,
shalom