i said hey, what’s going on

it’s been a minute and then some.

briefly, i am the busiest i have ever been, i have started new medication recently and it is a bit of a shit show, i keep forgetting to eat, i am so very busy, i am very deeply in love still, school is about to start again, and i am very busy. did i mention that i’ve been busy?

everyone is busy! and it is ok. but what’s not okay is the lack of work i’ve been putting into myself and my craft on account of my being busy. not writing just isn’t acceptable for me. and it’s been Months. months.

i’m very busy but now i’m in a band. and i play bass and sing and we’re having our first show on sunday and i’m so nervouse! i’m very busy but now i run the basement shows that i used to go to with wide eyes. i run this shit! i’m very busy but the boy who shows me unconditional love every day keeps doing it. and my friends are still my friends. and my to do list is so long and my table wobbles because i’m hopeless at building things (even a five piece ikea desk), but i am alright.

i’m overwhelmed. but i think i’ll be alright.

i think i’m gonna come back to writing. earnestly, like i need it, because i need it. i miss it. i also pay $18 a year for this silly little site, and i’d like to get my money’s worth out of it. here’s a look into thde last three weeks of my life:

and that’s that! for now! i want to write more i want to feel more i want to be more. i want more. is there more? is there enough ‘more’ to go around? i fucking hope so.

love and light,
shalom xo

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and we back

well, it’s been around three or so months since you’ve heard from me. i am alive. i am, in fact, well. i am now aware that my audience contains some people i would rather it didn’t, and i am writing anyway. i am writing anyway. hello, my friends!

i’m not sure what this post is – i don’t know if it’s a monthly me, or an update, or just words, or something to keep me busy because i’ve finished all my assigned tasks at work. you know, i’m probably gonna tag it as all of the above because who cares? who really cares? i care that i’m writing, and that’s that. onto the good stuff:

first, a message to everyone who’s given me shit for being open and honest. man, fuck you.

thank u, next! i am in love, again. this time with an aquarius that looks strikingly similar to hey arnold. i am in love with his left handed everything, the way he looks like a balloon made of heart emojis about to burst, the way he is excited by every aspect of being alive, and the way he loves. it’s nice to know that i am not somehow a disaster magnet. after the ex, the lies, the hurt, the ex’s ex, the new girl – i felt like i attracted everything i tried so hard not to. until i stopped trying, and an old friend asked me to dinner. i almost said no. say yes, my friends.

i am in school! still! despite almost dropping out last semester – that was a wild night of panic attacks and rain – i am still here, still double majoring in linguistics and communication, still kicking names and taking ass. it’s going alright. i’m currently in my most difficult linguistics class to date and i’m still sort of looking forward to it? i love words. i love language. i love/hate the brain scramble that comes from studying it.

i wrote this last semester and i love it. it makes me think when i reread it. you can read it too, now:


i like to be, and to go. sometimes, the going is the only good part – the end is simply that: an end.  sometimes the end is a big sigh that feels like it could have come earlier or later – nothing special about the moment in and of itself. but even if the end is somewhat disappointing, the journey always holds promise. sometimes, everything lies in the getting there. sometimes the cotton candy sky out of the window and the chips dropped on the floor of the back seat is enough for you to step back and say, yes – this life, this is mine. sometimes it’s a laugh you haven’t heard before or a tender touch you never expected that makes you open your eyes wide enough for the first time in years. sometimes it’s the people you meet on the way, and sometimes it’s the way the summer peels with your heart in late august.


the journey is your hand out the window. it is the inside joke you missed and made up for yourself. it is the dream that you come to see you are living. it is the realization that you will survive. it is the surviving. the journey is surviving, and if you can cherish surviving, who needs an end?

i’m back. i love being back. happy february.

love and light,
shalom xo

there are things that i would never say or do

have you listened to parekh & singh’s album, ocean? friend, you should – i just finished my maths homework before class in a bit and i’m feeling tentatively okay. just the right side of tepid.

last week i was in the pit. i didn’t go to class for three days, and all of those classes had attendance policies. have i gone ahead and messed up my grades? maybe. could i have avoided it? unfortunately, no. it’s what the great sciencey people who put definitions to what happens in my life call a hypomanic hangover. baby, do i have an analogy for you.

imagine you’ve been feeling really good for a while. i’m talking two or three (two and a half) glasses of that really good merlot and then a shot of tequila because party time, type of good. lots of dancing – the kind of drunk where you’d dance to a siren – and lots of good feelings. you got things done, you’re allowed to relax, the people that love you really love you and things are good. you never stop drinking because you don’t have to. things are good.

 

then, after being drunk for three and a half weeks, you get hit with the mother of all hangovers. every single one you avoided manifests in one big boulder on your head and chest and legs, and suddenly you can’t get out of bed for a week.

the hangover is depression, my friends.

today has been remarkably better than last week monday, and while i’m still walking about in a bit of a hnagover haze, i’m hoping this doesn’t turn into a full fledged depressive episode. the whole world and jesus know that my gpa cannot handle that.

in case you were wondering about the title, it comes from the featured song. but, here’s a list anyway:

things that i’d never say or do*

  • yell at someone for not having manners and ask if it’s because their mother didn’t teach them
  • squinty-eye a vegetarian or vegan who didn’t want to be plant based anymore
  • betray my heart
  • eat butternut pie or smell some sort of squash with cinnamon without gagging a little bit
  • make fun of people with eating disorders or people who actually like nickelback or people who like fanfiction
  • vote for fascists
  • not marvel at how stunning people are
  • stop wanting to be more true to myself

have a good time of day, people.

love & light,
shalom xo


* in some instances, this can be read as things that i’d never say or do again

preamble

Right. Hey dudes.

I’ll see you all in July’s monthly me, but I’ve been wanting to write a lil something before then. As usual, things got in the way and the nature of who I am as a person did not change. As such, this is maybe the first thing I’m writing in weeks. In a month? Maybe over a month.

My draft count is up to 43 and I haven’t stopped yelling, “come on brain, think of things” since I published heart out. Developments​: I’m 19 and it’s a whole new kind of ugly. Damn that anxiety center in my brain. Top of my wishlist is that all the big anxious makers in my head would take one hell of a holiday. Goodness.

I’m moving to the garden state in just over a week and it’s very ridiculous that we’re here already. Really, I just have to sing “Lost” from the Percy Jackson and the Lightening Thief musical for my sister once I get there. Packing is weird.

Oh​, yes. I’m also really bloody ill. I had a fever and I can’t find the Sinutab and dammit my head is in my shoes.

The internet at my house has been out for most of the month as well, but I don’t know if I would have gotten work done even if it was up.

Consider this a preamble to the mess that will be the July Monthly Me. I miss writing. I miss this corner. I miss being able to breathe out of both nostrils.

love & light,

shalom xo

we were on a break!!1!1!

Damn, Shalom – back at it again with the being unable to follow a single schedule you create for yourself! (Hello, dated reference weekly? She’s doing it again.)

So I took…a week…ish? off of BEDIM. I think it’s time to call BEDIM something more Shalom-oriented like…As Many Blogs As Possible In May. AMBAPIM. Welcome back to AMBAPIM!

I’d like to tell you all that I spent this last week doing some heavy introspection, and that I’ve come back refreshed and feeling great and glam and wonderful! However, I didn’t and I haven’t, and this is probably my most honest space on the internet so I’ll keep it that way. (Huh. Maybe second most honest.) (Stop reading my blog, parents.)

Anyway, what I have done in the couple of days that I’ve been away is buy too much chocolate (there are three slabs in my bedside drawer, please help), scream and yell in frustration about being a joke with a pal I’ll miss more than I’m ready to comprehend, and learn a lot about the Habsburgs.

I’m ready for this week. This week, I’ll do BEDIM. Blog every day this week in May? Yo, I don’t know. I have a plan and I’m *really* trying to get my life. How many times have I announced my trying to get my life here? I’m not sure, but if we count back to 2014 when scooton.wordpress.com was a THING, we’re probably on 30 or something.

This week has been a lot, and I have been doing mostly nothing. I am ready to not do nothing. Have an incredible video about the history of the world, I guess. (Love you Bill Wurtz)

love and light,
shalom xo

SEE YOU TOMORROW. AND THE DAY AFTER AND THE DAY AFTER THAT ETC. FOR REAL.

 

 

ch-ch-ch-changes

Hi friends, transgressors, first-time readers & droids! Hello, to you too, if you don’t fall in one of the mentioned categories.

In December 2015, before I went on a blog-free January journey, I talked about some changes that were coming to this blog in terms of content & looks and all that fun stuff. Well, because things cost more money than I have, and because I’ve never managed to fit neatly into the boxes of beauty blogger or lifestyle blogger or book blogger or – you see where this is going? – I just did some of the things, and today I get to share them with you!

First off, we are now okayshalom.comThis is the most exciting part for me. I bought my domain, and I’m super happy about the way it rhymes and that it matches my header title. I got it on a day when the exchange rate was cooperating, so I feel as lucky as the Britney Spears song.

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Next off, I was reminded how #blessed I am to know the amazingly talented people that I do. My lovely friend Jéad sacrificed a crap early morning to make a miracle out of my crazily unphotogenic self & conduct one hell of a shoot in the inner city of Johannesburg. Jéad is phenomenally kind, brilliant, selfless and talented. I am better for knowing her. You can have a look at her portfolio here and contact her for bookings in South Africa at jeadstehr@gmail.com. 10/10 would recommend. Thank you, Jead!

Finally, I did one of my first paid-for pieces of writing! Not on here, but for someone who needed a ghostwriter. I was terribly excited and am positively thrilled to do more. Thanks to everyone who believed in my writing enough to still read the often rubbish I put on this corner of the internet.

I’m finally making use of the scheduling tool, so I have three posts coming your way this week! Prepare yourself for the influx, as well as the possible theme & image changes on the site.

Welcome to okayshalom.com!

love & light
shalom x

 

Guess Who’s Back

How does one start these things? Yeesh. A month is a long time to be away from blogging.

Hello, readers! If you’re returning, get comfortable – your seat has been waiting & warmed. If you’re new, the new passengers’ seating is located by clicking the ‘follow’ button on your right. (Just kidding. You’re welcome, follower or not.)

Since December 2015, a lot has changed. Welcome to 2016! Congrats on making it this far. Here’s a list of things you should have left & brought with you, courtesy of Nathan Zed – one of my top five favourite youtubers at the moment, and also the funniest. And smartest. And one with the best hairline. (I like him a lot.)

Quick recap of January:

  • Matric results (Confused? Look here and here.)
  • Finished uni applications!
  • DRAMA. Family, friend, internet – you name it. All of it.
  • Said goodbye to so many of my friends who started new adventures in Cape Town, the UK, Stellenbosch, Rhodes, Mafikeng, Pennsylvania, Any Other Place That Does Not Permit Me To Get To Them In Under Three Hours…
  • Got dreadlocks? Hopefully, one day they look like Tiffany Ima’s – style icon and ULTIMATE EVERYTHING. That’s her in the featured image.
  • Started uni in SA in the hopes developing my brain before the HOPEFUL OVERSEAS ADMISSIONS LETTERS COME
  • Bank card. Bank fees. Bank. Gross.
  • DID NOT BUY DOMAIN BECAUSE I DO NOT HAVE $18.
  • Lived in filth, i.e. my bedroom & the couch in the lounge that I inhabited (and have since been chased away from).
  • The theme has changed! The About & Welcome pages will be changing, too, soon enough.

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My life currently consists of cards, cords, and contact lens solution.

The heatwave and drought South Africa is experiencing right now makes just about zero things easier. I’m melting, my eyeliner is melting, my ice-cream is melting, my patience is melting…things are a little crazy up in here.

Despite it all, I’m making it. My future is still a little (read: EXTREMELY) uncertain, and I’m not sure what’ll happen in the next six months. Hopefully, it involves a scholarship or two, and a flight to a colder part of the world.

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David and I have similar to-d0 lists. I, however, am without a single Apple device.

I’ll be posting on Tuesdays and Saturdays this year, and maybe a little more frequently when (a) important things are happening, or (b) a mosquito has bitten my finger and I need to move it. Both situations are applicable today.

Thanks for sticking with me, team internet! I know a handful of you personally, but the majority of you all think that I’m interesting enough to read what I have to say. I appreciate you all, and I hope that 2016 is a heck of a wave that we can all ride together. On separate boards. Mostly because I have no idea how to surf and wouldn’t want to drown you all.

love and light,
shalom

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photos from death to the stock photo here, and first covers here.

A Look Ahead – 2016 & Beyond

Aloha pals! Merry belated Christmas! I hope all of your Christmases were merry and bright, and that your gifts exceeded all of your hopes.

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I was genuinely so pleased with all the presents I got from my siblings and my mum — er, I mean Santa — and despite the craziness of the festive season and the family feud that is still ongoing, Christmas was alright.


AN UPDATE



Alright. SO 2016 is going to be a big, big year for me – and this blog.  I’m looking at moving countries for university (fingers crossed), and I’m looking at moving content – with regards to scooton.wordpress.com.

This sounds really dramatic, but all that’s happening is that I’m making a bit of a shift. I made this blog after two other blogs that I closed because “ohmyGOD Shalom why did you write like that were you like twelve???” (Yes, Shalom.You were exactly twelve, actually.) In the two years that I’ve blogged under scooton, I’ve used this blog as a space for me to document my new interests & lifestyle crazies. I don’t intend to stop – I just think that I need a fresh start (blegh, how cliche) and that my little cubby hole on the internet deserves a little more love.

What does this all mean? It means that I’m doing a little rebranding. I’m going to  do some major upgrades. It means that I’ll probably become more of a lifestyle-beauty blogger like I’ve wanted to for a while – there’s a saying that all lifestyle bloggers eventually get bitten by the beauty bug. It happened! It means that I’ll get to work on myself as a brand, and my brand as a brand – without freaking out about things that I never had time to fix. (I’ve got the time now, by some miracle!)

A massive thank you must go out to all of you who have read my inane ramblings for the two years that I’ve been sporadically posting on scooton.wordpress.com. Here’s to more years of my bitchy, ranty posts that you couldn’t get rid of if you tried. To  more pride, more winged eyeliner, more hauls-because-I-can, more music, more photographs, more black nail polish, and more of what I want my little corner of internet to be.

Thanks for sticking with me since 2013, y’all. See you in 2016 as okayshalom.com– I’m so excited to share the new site with you all.

Happy new year for next week, and have a gorgeous day! I’m feeling a lot better having wrote this post. Special thanks must go to Tash from GlitterfulThoughts for encouraging me & talking me through some big decisions last night.

I’ll see (?) you all in the new year!

Love and light,
shalom

 

Update on the things ❄

Hello, Internet!

That was a direct danisnotonfire reference if you were wondering at all. As you can see, my posting schedule has gone out of the window. So has my birthday money, my razors, my eating habits, my exercise plan, my job opportunities, my internet connection and my cellphone charger.

My new (old) school is going great!

Seriously though, it’s not the school that’s making stuff go out of the window. It’s not great, and it’s not really good either,but I’m mentally alright-ish. I’m also talking to Jessica again (teenage girls have weird fallout and are now speaking again yay) and that’s not bad. However, in other news:

I ONLY HAVE 7 DAYS OF HAPPINESS LEFT!

If you have been visiting this here blog, or if you follow me on instagram, you’ll know that I’m talking about the 100 Happy Days challenge that I took. For me, it’s unbelievable that I’ve come so far and haven’t yet quit. Also, how quickly these days go past. I remember that on the 26th of May, I had a history test that I missed because I came home sick (thank the Lord because I was actually nowhere near ready for that) and then I started the challenge. 93 days later, here I am.

Am I extremely overjoyed yet? No. But I have done some awesome things in the couple of months that I’ve been taking this challenge. I’ve gotten a ride from a stranger who turned out not be a serial killer but the turned out to be equally as dangerous when he added me on Facebook (praise for privacy settings), I’ve fed a homeless person, I’ve done a ballet ‘photoshoot’, I’ve met amazing people, I’ve organised a matric dance (prom for you internationals), and I’ve gotten in more trouble than I can imagine. Do I regret anything? Possibly not taking more pictures, but otherwise, no. Am I happy yet? Well, ask me again in a week, won’t you?

In terms of my series, it’s actually going well! I’m still doing interviews and I’ll put them up whenever I can get the motivation to. As for right now, I have tonnes of work to do and a table to organise, as you can see. So I’ve got to be on my way. Thanks for bothering to read this, and I’m glad that I could possibly spread some of my procrastination on you! Remember that you as a being have a possibility for greatness that is both heart-stopping and immense.

Hide from all the things!

Hide from all the things!

See ya later, internet-gator. (is that a thing?)

-Scoot xx